


That Day After The Club (DISCONTINUED)

by orphan_account



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chapters are named after songs, Child Abuse, Cinnamon rolls, Cute Couples, Cutting, Depression, Doki Doki, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, More tags to be added, References to Depression, Self-Doubt, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, TAGS ARE SPOILERS, accidental suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23659219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Natsuki asks Yuri to walk home after the literature club one day. After doing so, their friendship increases as they get to know each other.Aside from the constant bickering, they really are similar
Relationships: Monika/Sayori (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Natsuki/Yuri (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Comments: 33
Kudos: 139





	1. Ideas

**Author's Note:**

> Note : I love this ship lol. This is not my first ever fanfiction, but first work on here. I was inspired by the current works that are in progress and I wanted to begin my own as well. I hope you enjoy it!

The hallways of the high school are coated with students who begin to exit the building as the final bell rings. Hearing the familiar chime, I pack up my books, and commence my hike to my locker. Despite my relatively tall figure, I can be considered invisible. Not many people notice my existence, but that is perfect with me. I don’t enjoy the interactions with others that I am unfamiliar with. I can barely even hold my own in a conversation without stuttering profusely.

After the time it takes for me to place my belongings in my backpack, the second bell rings to initiate the start of the club period. Realizing that the literature club may be pondering where I might currently be, I rush myself down countless halls to the correct room. I stop and take a breath. Passively, I push open the large door to reveal that only Monika is present.

Before I have the time to greet the president, my legs emit an aching and excruciating pain in my body as I begin to regret my decision of running. It’s not the worst pain in the world and I’ve experienced worse, but the unexpected aspect of it is what made me double over and let out a sharp gasp. Footsteps make their way towards me and I feel a hand on my back. I can only assume that it’s Monika.

“Hey Yuri, I see you’re struggling? Hehe,” she says while helping me up. I’ve noticed that Monika likes to state the obvious. Like I didn’t know I’m troubled by physical pain in my legs.

“O-oh yes, it happens to be that way,” I mumble back, half out of embarrassment. Monika giggles as I stand up completely. She looks up at me with an amiable smile. “Please be more careful, Yuri! Don’t get as clumsy as Sayori.”

The bubbly blue-eyed girl was a handful to keep up with. N-not that it’s bad or anything! I love the girl to pieces, in a non-homosexual way. She has a kind heart and always notices if something is wrong with any of her club mates. It’s just that she’s a bit of a klutz. The poor girl just isn’t able to go a day in the club without bumping into one of us or knocking over a trash can or a desk. 

“Of course, Monika. I do not intend to be. But speaking of which, would you possibly know where Natsuki and Sayori are? They’re never usually this l-late.” I try to change the subject. But god damnit, I stuttered!

Monika shakes her head. “I’m afraid not. Sayori may sometimes be late, but Natsuki is almost always the first here,” she responds.

Just like that, a crash is heard in the hallway, along with incoherent yelling. Monika and I share a glance before walking to the door. It bursts open and I collide with a small figure, causing us both to hit the ground.

“Oof!” I exclaim, hitting the ground hard. Luckily my head did not hit the floor as hard as my back and I am sure I will not suffer from a concussion. Looking down, I see a flustered Natsuki laying on me. I giggle, attempting to help the smaller girl up. “Get off of me! I don’t need your help, long legs!” Natsuki exclaimed. My eyes widen as I raise my hands in defeat. The scrawny pink haired girl stands up, shooting a glare in my direction before walking away. I sigh looking over at Sayori, who has a minor scrape on her knee.

“Oh, hey Yuri! Sorry we bumped into you, hehe. I may have bumped into multiple things before opening the door,” she mumbles the last sentence.

“Do not worry yourself, Sayori. Just please be more vigilant of your surroundings next time,” I warn. She gives me a huge smile and a thumbs up. I admire her energy.

I start to stand up but I am quickly sent back down by the pain in my lower legs. The agonizing irritation has not subsided. Sayori quickly comes over to me to help pull me up. “Thank you,” I smile, attempting to match her energy. “Hehe, no problem!” She responds, bouncing away to where Monika resides at the teacher desk. Gathering my bag that noticeably fell when I did, I make my way to the back of the classroom and pull out my current novel.

I had only been able to read two chapters of my book before Monika called to the club. “Okay everyone! It’s time to read each other’s poems!” She says with a huge smile. I sigh, placing my bookmark and shutting the book. Searching through my bag, I find my notebook which contains all of my poems for the club. I flip to my most recent and quickly proofread it to make sure that it is adequate for today.

“Glass  
The glimmers of the glass catch my eye  
The shards of a broken bond are dry  
They call my name  
I pick one up  
As I grasp it in my palm, the surface becomes damp  
I have an urge  
I need more  
One by one  
Shard by shard  
Until I’m left in a pool of my problems”

I realize that I wrote it after my... daily session, as I call it. I had not been in the right mindset. In front of me, Natsuki notices my worried expression.

“What’s your problem? Are you worried that your poem won’t even be able to compare to mine?” She boasts loudly. Monika and Sayori both look up at us. “A-ah, not at all. It’s nothing to concern yourself with. M-may I read your poem?” I ask. Damn my stutter. Again.

“Pfft! Don’t be so formal. Take it! I know, it’s a masterpiece,” Natsuki snickers as she snatches my poem from my hand as she slides hers to me.

“Kitten and her Owner  
The Kitten wants to explore the world  
She wants to hang out with other kittens  
Her owner disagrees  
“Stay inside!” He says  
“You’re an inside cat!” He says  
She’s had enough  
When he’s not looking, the Kitten sneaks out  
She feels on top of the world  
She returns home  
Only to notice the Owner worried about her  
She feels bad  
Until he makes her sad”

I-I’m shocked. So shocked I even stuttered in my conscience. Do I take the poem literally? Is it about animal abuse? Maybe it’s metaphorical? Like she’s the kitten and her guardians are the owner?

No, I’m thinking too much into it.

I cannot be consumed by my love of the use of metaphors. I’m sure this is something she’s is experiencing second hand, maybe a friend who abused an animal. Or maybe a friend who is abused, so it is metaphorical?

“So? You’ve been staring at the piece of paper long enough to read it five times! Are you done yet?!”

Natsuki’s angry yelling snapped me out of my thoughts. I bow my head and return her paper.  
“I liked it,” I say.

“Don’t be so rude! I don’t get why you hate my- wait,” she stops. I’m assuming she thought I wouldn’t like it. “You actually like it?”

“U-um of course! Why wouldn’t I? I’m j-just having trouble understanding it the Kitten and Owner are metaphorical or if I should take them literally,” I reply, looking away to avoid eye contact. Natsuki shifts, and takes back her paper. “It’s a secret,” she says, giving a wide grin. I choose to ignore the meaning of her poem, but I’m sure I’ll return to contemplating it eventually.

Regarding my poem, Natsuki hands it back while looking away. “It’s alright I guess. Too hard to figure out,” she states. I hope she’s not lying. I really do not intend for anyone to understand it. If anyone, it would be Monika, but even some of my poems are too metaphorical and indecipherable for even her.

“That was the point,” I respond. She walks away without a word. Well, I suppose that’s better than an argument. I watch as her small figure makes her way towards Sayori. This leaves me with no other choice than to share with Monika next. Fortunately, she comes over to me first.

“Are your legs any better Yuri?” She asks, as kindhearted as always. I nod in response.

Wait.

“I-if you don’t mind me asking, how did y-you know it was my legs that were bothering me when I-I came in?” I ask. I did not tell anyone, so how would she know?

“Oh, it was pretty obvious. I mean, you did also get knocked down which probably didn’t help your case!” Her eyes glimmer with a feeling that I am unaware of, but I let it go anyways. I hand her my poem and she gives me hers.

“Need  
I thought I needed them  
I loved them  
But they never cared  
They got rid of me without a trace  
Luckily I’m back  
And I’ve realized  
Sometimes we don’t need what we really want  
And we don’t want what we need.”

This obviously seems relatively similar to a break up poem, but I was unaware of that fact the Monika was even in a relationship? “It’s short, but very easy to interpret. If this is what I think it is about, then I hope everything gets b-better for you,” I smile, hoping to give Monika the idea that I’m here if she needs me. Not that I’d be any help, I just want to try. Even if I suck at everything I try to do.

Monika shakes her head. “It’s surely not what you’re thinking, but thank you for your kind words,” she says. “Your poem is very interesting. I like how it can mean multiple things, but I take it as addiction. Like you know the yearning for something, even if it’s wrong and you’re fully aware of the consequences?”

Fuck, she’s on to me. “Whatever you think it may be, that’s what it is,” I reply. Her smile leaves her face for a quick moment. “You know you can talk to me if it is anything negative, right?”

“Yes, please do not worry yourself because of my poems though, I promise it’s not worth it,” I smile. Monika extends her arms, i’m assuming for a hug. I hesitantly comply. The warmth of the embrace feels oddly... satisfying.

She lets go before anything more can be said. Taking back her poem, she strides towards Natsuki, and I am left with Sayori.

“Hiya again Yuri!!” She exclaims, beaming with energy. “Greetings, Sayori. Should I assume you’ve written a poem?” I say. Sometimes she says that she forgets to write poems, or that she’s busy. However, it is not my job to press her for more information. Considering that she currently has no paper with her, it’s noticeable that she’s is poem-less.

Is that even a word? Good going, ‘smart’ one.

“Yeah, about that...” she trails off, pressing her two index fingers together in a shy motion. “I may have forgotten...”

“Ah, I understand completely. Would you still like to read mine?” I offer my poem towards Sayori. Her eyes light up as she nods and enthusiastically takes it from my hand.

After a minute or two, she hands it back. “It’s short, and to the point. Reminds me of Natsuki’s writing, just somewhat darker.” I get the feeling that she’s suspicious of me as well as Monika. However, I choose to ignore it, and do my best to act as if that was my plan.

“O-of course, reading everyone else’s works have allowed me to expand my style to my liking.” Indirect answer. Nice job, Yuri.

“If anything is wrong, feel free to talk to me!” She beams, and goes to collect her belongings. I do the same, as it’s time to leave. The final club bell rings as Monika calls out to all of us.

“Don’t forget about the Autumn Festival coming up in two weeks! We should start brainstorming ideas!” She exclaims. Sayori responds, but I simply do not pay attention. My focus is on my bag and the thought of going home. As I begin to walk out the door, I feel a tug on my uniform. Slightly turning around, I lock eyes with bright pink ones.

“Would you like to walk home together?”


	2. i drive me mad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri and Natsuki walk home, but Yuri leaves due to reasons and has a flashback
> 
> TW for self harm and accidental suicide attempt!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehehe enjoy :D  
> title is from the song ‘i drive me mad’ by renforshort.

“I-uh-“ Any noise that can emerge from my mouth are just quiet stammers. Natsuki? Asking me? To walk with her?

“I’m sorry, but don’t you live a while away from me?” I respond. Natsuki’s once soft gaze turns into one of annoyance. “Jeez, if you didn’t want to then just tell me. Don’t make up excuses!” She exclaims and crosses her arms.

Excuses?

“A-ah! Apologies, b-but I am not attempting to excuse myself. I genuinely thought you lived far from my house an-and I’m certainly surprised that you a-asked me.” Alright, fuck this stuttering shit, it’s annoying me.

“Just give me a simple answer, you giant!”

Her snarky remarks about my height are getting on my nerves as well. I could easily make a comment on her size, but she’d flip out on me. I do not find this fair in the slightest. I did say one thing about her being vertically challenged a while ago, but she did not enjoy it at all. I swear she almost threw a desk at me.

That may be an overstatement, but I’m sure she wanted to. I’d throw a desk at me too. Right in the face for my stupidity.

Keeping my composure, I straighten up and take a breath. “If you still want my answer, it would be a yes,” I say. Natsuki lets her guard down and grins.

“Perfect! I wasn’t taking no for an answer anyways,” she smirks confidently. She pushes past me through the doorway. Quickly, I might add. She’s very fast for someone of her size.

Tightening my grip on my bag, I follow as she seems in a rush to leave the club room. “H-hey, um, Natsuki, are we g-going to your house or mine first?” I hesitantly ask. I haven’t cleaned recently and my room is probably a humongous mess, therefore I am silently hoping that she just wants me to accompany her to her house and then walk back on my own.

“We’re going to your house first, I wanted to make sure you got home safely...” her gaze shifts downward as we walk down the path towards my residence. She mumbles another sentence, but I cannot catch it and decide to let it go. “I don’t understand, I get home safely everyday, and you don’t have to accompany me,” I reply. “I’m not accompanying  you, you’re  accompanying  me!”  She puts lots of emphasis on her words. I decide to not question it and let that go as well. Instead, I begin to admire the scenery.

The tall trees wave as the wind blows south. Leaves of many warm colors fall to the grass as the tree work to slowly become bare. A nudge to my arm causes me to snap out of my trance. Next to me, Natsuki looks annoyed with me. “You could’ve said no if you really wanted to walk alone, you know,” she says. I remember her earlier statement.  “Perfect! I wasn’t taking no for an answer anyways,”

“I thought you weren’t accepting a no?” I say, taking the hair tie from my wrist and swiftly wrap it in my hair. This wind is seriously beginning to irritate me.

“That doesn’t matter! You know how I am!” Natsuki retorts. I think for a moment about what I should say and I then reply. “As a matter of fact, I do not. I know very little about you and your personality, Natsuki.”

The smaller girl huffs. Shortly afterward, her eyes light up and she speaks again. “Well, um, since we both don’t know much about each other, why don’t we work on that now?”

Honestly, I would expect that from Sayori, but not Natsuki. Her arrogance and confidence sometimes get the best of her and it’s very rare for her to compromise or be peaceful with another person. I suppose she  is  trying her best, therefore I will not anger her any further than I may have already done today.

“O-oh, sure. What would y-you like to know about me then?” Nervously, I begin to rub my forearms through my uniform. I must admit, it’s a bad habit to pick up, but it somewhat calms me down depending on the situation.

Throughout our walk, we each learn more about ourselves and each other. Our conversation begins with literature. We talk about our interests in what we enjoy reading, and peacefully discuss our different preferences. Our chat gradually shifts to our personal lives, which brought me to the question : “What do you enjoy to do when you have free time?”

Natsuki looks up at me then back down. “I-uh, just read manga! What did you think I do?” She is noticeably nervous and uncomfortable, I notice that her eyes are wide as well. I feel bad for causing her to feel that so uncomfortable, but what I don’t understand is how a question of such simplicity caused a reaction of that sort.

We approach a street that divides into two. “Don’t you live that way?” Natsuki asks me, pointing in the left direction. “Yes, this is where we would have to part ways,” I reply. I’ve been rubbing my arm for about half of this walk now, and a minor red spot is noticeably forming on the sleeve, increasing in size in seconds.

Fuck.

Okay, she hasn’t noticed. She can’t notice. She’ll hate me forever, and we just began making progress within our friendship. This is NOT happening today. 

I need to think of something. I have to get away. I can’t just run, she’ll know something is wrong. She’s not as stupid as she sometimes acts.

Damnit, that was rude. Don’t say things like that.

“W-w-well, I’ll see y-you t-tomorrow a-a-at the c-club, I um, gottagobyeNatsuki!”

Wow, real smooth, Yuri. You’re such a dumbass.

Natsuki looks up, but I can’t see her reaction as I quickly walk down my street. The pain in my legs returns from earlier today, but the determination to get into my house increases as well as the irritation. Deciding not to look back, I do my best to power through the horrible sensation as I walk.

I reach my house, fumbling with the keys from the bag. Once the door is open, I drop my bag on the wooden flooring and dash up the staircase that leads to my bedroom, getting inside and shutting the door with a  SLAM!

I rip off the school uniform by each article of clothing. Changing into more comfortable clothes sometimes helps me feel better about myself. Not to mention the dark red blood stain on my uniform top...

I begin searching through the cabinets underneath the bathroom sink in hopes of finding some hydrogen peroxide. “Aha!” Luck is on my side. Only a small amount is left in the container, but it will have to do as of right now.

Grabbing the clothes, I carefully poured the liquid on the right sleeve of my undershirt and blazer. Deciding to let it soak in for a while in the sink, I make it back to my room and collapse on the bed, in just a t shirt and shorts. Luckily I live alone, so there won’t be any unexplainable instances with the bloody clothes in my bathroom sink or the scars on my wrists and thighs.

Which reminds me, the reopened wound on my arm. Lifting my head up to view my arm, I see a large gash that had opened back up. Ah, I remember that one. Very clearly, I might add.

_It was a notably tough day, extremely emotionally exhausting and tiring to my mental health. Fighting with my parents over a phone call was not necessarily a common occurrence, but it surely was not rare. They didn’t accept-_

Too early in the day. The self-injury began later. I simply cannot think of what happened before. It’ll cause even more negative emotions.

_It was about 8pm when the realization settled in of what happened just hours before. I needed someone to vent to, but who would want to listen to a girl who seemingly has such a perfect home life, rant about her parents?_

_Pulling up my sleeves, I reflect on the earlier cuts. The wounds are still bright red, as they only appeared yesterday. I needed more, it’ll help me. But first, I just find the perfect knife for the occasion._

_After digging through my collection for a while, I find the right one. The handle is contrived of leather, and the blade consisted of stainless steel. Perfect for my usage. The blade was tinted red, and the handle has a small outline of a cat. From an outsiders view, I can understand how anyone sees this particular knife as sadistic. It could definitely pass as a murder weapon for an assassin._

_I’m getting distracted._

_Taking the knife by the handle, I hold it shakily about my wrist. I told myself to stop a week ago, but yet I take no action to contribute to my dedication. It’s just too good to stop. I lower the sharp edge to my arm, smiling as I feel the physical pain extinguish the mental pain._

_The sensation only intensifies as the blade digs deeper into my skin. It was as if I was stuck on autopilot. I just kept going, without seeing an end in sight. I can’t stop, it’s too good. I feel energized, despite losing blood. If I keep this up, I could certainly just die right now. Or I could screw up and “accidentally” slice a vein. But would anyone really care? I’m just a wa-_

_*ring~*_

_“AH!”_

_The sudden noise startles me, causing the knife to sink into my forearm, which means a much deeper cut then I originally intended. Who the hell comes over uninvited at 8:30 at night??_

_Blood gushes from the wound, spilling without hesitation. There’s no pleasure in this by now, it’s purely agonizing. I’m feeling lightheaded, everything’s going blurry._

_I-Is this really how I die? I knew I’d die to a knife of my own, but not this early in my life!_

_It hurts so bad._

_I try get up, but the strength of my arms has been sucked out and drained along with the blood._

_Blood._

_It soaks the bathroom tiled floor in puddles. Who knew the human body could hold so much blood? That’ll be a bitch to clean up, if I even survive._

_“Yuri!! Oh my god! Monika! Call an ambulance... o-or something, just hurry!!” Is that... Sayori? Why is she here?_

_I want to mumble that I’m fine, to tell them not to worry, but I have no motivation. Maybe I can just die here, they’ll leave me alone soon. “Oh my-“ I see Monika in the doorway for a split second before she turns away._

_“Sayori, we are NOT sending her to the hospital. She’ll hate us. Forever,” Monika states blandly. She takes the knife from my hand, holding back a gag from the blood, I’m assuming._

_“But Moni, she’s literally bleeding out right in front of us! What else should we do?” Sayori crosses her arms. At this point, it hurts to keep my eyes open. I close them as I hear shuffling footsteps from the direction of my bathroom to me._

_“No, Sayori, they’ll send her to a mental institute for her... um... issues,” Monika seems to struggle to get the words out. “Just say her cutting. D-don’t avoid what the problem really is,” I’ve never heard Sayori be this strict before. “Get Natsuki over. Now.”_

_A feeling of a warm towel wrapping around my injured arm. Well, my arm that’s currently bleeding out. I don’t know how I managed to survive this much blood loss. Whoever is causing miracles for me needs to stop._

_After a few rings from her phone, Monika sighs. Since she’s all choked up, it comes out shaky and unsatisfying to hear._

_“Sayori... N-N-Natsuki wont p-pick up...” Monika stutters profusely. Stammering is extremely uncharacteristic for her. I almost feel bad..._

_I do feel bad._

_I open my eyes again, groggily looking up at the two who are caring for me. I groan as my right arm aches from the pain._

_I’m disgusting_

_Look what they have to do to keep me alive. And for what reason? Maybe the super deep cut was unintentional, but I would surely not be complaining if I died from it._

_“Y-Yuri? A-are you still with us..?” Monika begins bandaging you my left arm as Sayori continues applying pressure to the right one._

_I manage to nod. I can’t believe how much stress I’m probably putting on them right now. Scratch that, I can’t believe the stress I AM putting on them._

_Since Sayori put the towel on my arm, I’ve regained some of my energy. Pulling myself up from the ground, I sit up normally. The position of laying down on a tiled floor is very uncomfortable. “Y-you g-guys... you don’t have t-t-to hel..p me,” I somehow manage to say. “I-I know I-I’m n-n-not wort...” Damn, I can’t finish my sentence. Why is speaking so hard right now?_

_“Yuri,” Sayori looks me in the eye. I notice that her blue eyes are glassy and puffy, like she’s on the brink of crying. “Don’t say that. You deserve everything good in the w-world, and I d-dont know why you tr-tried something l-like this but please...” she stops, tears finally falling down her face. Sayori sniffles, and hugs me tightly. Almost to the point that I can’t breath, but oh well._

_In the corner of my eye, I see Monika covering her mouth as she cries. I extend my arm to her, in attempt to get her to join our hug. She complies, then crying a little louder._

_When we break away, Sayori grips my shoulders. “Y-you can’t d-do that a-gain, Yuri. Y-you don’t understand...” she trails off, looking away for a split second. “You don’t understand how m-much you mean to us.”_

_I look down. I can’t watch as she cries because of me and my selfish desires. I feel horrible about this, all of it is my fault. If I wasn’t such a dumbass, if I was more careful, if I-_

_“Next time this happens, w-we have to send you to the hospital... I’m not letting a n-near death experience happen a-again.”_

_“I, um... I understand,” I reply. This only determines me to be more careful and secretive of my habits. “I didn’t mean to go so... deep. I...” I can’t explain myself._

_“Did we scare you by ringing the doorbell?” Sayori suggests. Wordlessly, I nod. “And that caused a much deeper one than expected?” Monika adds. I nod again._

_“I’m so sorry, I’m s-such a fuck up... you should have j-j-just... l-let me die,” I regret sharing my true feelings, but they deserve to know._

_“No... Yuri, s-stop saying stuff like that. You... you don’t-“ Sayori starts to comfort me, but Monika interrupts._

_“Don’t say that. Y-you mean a lot to all of us, including Natsuki. Don’t think that we don’t care about you._

_“We love you, Yuri.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like my first chapter seemed rushed, and i’m sorry if it did to you as well. That chapter was shorter compared to the things I write, and I wanted to get into the good stuff, ya know? I personally think I’m good at writing sad stuff, but please give feedback if you think it is necessary!
> 
> my upload schedule may be random, but I will at least update once a week. Maybe twice if i’m feeling particularly inspired. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed, especially with that somewhat fluffy ending :)


	3. Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsuki is very forceful over text and Yuri accepts due to peer pressure and the anxiety of what would happen if she says no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from the song ‘Problems’ by Weathers. :)

That was only 3 weeks ago. The wound has never fully healed because of it’s severity. Monika and Sayori constantly make sure I’m “okay”, and I’m forced to lie. I can’t be sent away, they’ll make sure i’m put in a hospital. From what I’ve heard, they’re horrible. That is the one place I avoid going to at all costs. At least they don’t check my arms at all.

Now that I think about it, that must be why they both checked on me after reading my poem. I sincerely hope they haven’t told Natsuki, that would be completely horrible. She would hate me for sure.

Or, that could be another way for her to poke fun at me. She already mocks me for my height and occasionally for my... figure, so why not add self-mutilation to the list as well?

Pushing the thoughts from my head, I sit up on my mattress, rubbing my eyes. I’m feeling a little drowsy, but I have things to do. I finally allow myself to stand, but do so a little too quickly. My vision shows dots of black as I’m forced to sit down and collect myself. This happens way too often.

After a couple of seconds I stand back up slowly. Walking to the sink of my bathroom, I wash off the remains of the hydrogen peroxide from my school uniform and hang them up on the towel rack. I hate the smell of the it, it just disgusts me to no end.

A pinging noise from my phone distracts me from my previous thoughts. I wonder who would be texting me after school. Wouldn’t it be a waste of time to talk to me?

Shut up Yuri, that’s precisely what both Monika and Sayori want to avoid; thoughts like those. Sometimes I really dislike myself, huhu~.

I pick up my phone from it’s spot on my bedsheet and read the couple messages on the screen. It’s just the literature club chat, or as it’s named, “The LIT girlz.”

Blame Sayori for that one.

_Monika : good evening club, how are you all?_

_Sayori : i’m eating strawberries hehe_

_Natsuki : same as always_

_Yuri : I am feeling well, Monika._

_Monika : how are all of your poems going?_

_Sayori : OH NO POEMS I FORGOT_

_Monika : and this is the reason i check in on all of you._

_Natsuki? Yuri?_

_Natsuki : doin fine monika. get off our backs already_

_Sayori : i’m sorry moni i got distracted :(_

_Monika : it’s perfectly fine sayo, just don’t forget another poem tomorrow!_

Hm, Monika ignored Natsuki’s rude reply. She usually has a snarky response ready for the pink haired girl, but it appears not. I begin typing my response, and see a new message by Monika as I type. 

_ Monika : i find it funny that nat told me to get off her back but she’s one mine for misplacing her manga :) _

Ah, a passive aggressive smiley face following a sharp retort. Typical Monika.

_ Yuri : I, however, have not began my poem. I appreciate the reminder. _

_ Monika : no problem Yuri! _

_ Natsuki : yuri _

_ we have some things to discuss _

_ send your address _

_ i’m coming over now _

Huh? Oh no, did she see my sleeve during our walk?! This cannot happen, I am not prepared, I barely have time to clean up everything! What am I going to do??

_ Monika : wow just inviting yourself over. when did you two get that attached? _

_ Natsuki : shut it _

_ this doesn’t involve you _

_ Sayori : oooOOO they’re going on a date _

_ Natsuki : sayori i swear if you don’t shut your fucking mouth _

_ Monika : do not be rude to her natsuki _

_ Natsuki : then tell her to leave me the hell alone _

_ Sayori : sorry :( _

_ Natsuki : damnit now you made me feel bad _

_ Sayori : heheh >:) _

_ Yuri : I do not understand your intentions of visiting my household, Natsuki. May I inquire why? _

My reply would have been sent much sooner if my hands hold not been shaking. I kept tapping the wrong damn letters that slowed down my response.

_ Natsuki : doesn’t matter _

_ just send your address _

_ right now _

_ Yuri : Repeating yourself, refusing to explain, and demanding that I give away personal information to you gives me no reason to allow you to come into my household. _

_ Sayori : WOOO YURI’S STANDING HER GROUND _

_ Monika : sayori, honey, not the time _

_ Sayori : heheh oops _

_ Natsuki : ugh _

_ fine _

_ yuri can i please come over to talk about something with you _

_ Yuri : Yes you may. _

_ [insert address here] _

I’m sure that I’m overreacting about this all. Maybe it is something regarding the club? Or about literature in general? Maybe we would work on our poems together like we did that one time with the beach poems.

That was nice.

Despite trying to rethink any possible reason that Natsuki might feel the need to visit, the worst possible outcome still lingers in the back of my mind.

_ Natsuki : thanks _

_ i’ll be over in five minutes _

_ Monika : it’s a date then _

_ have a good time at yuri’s house _

_ Natsuki : stfu _

_ Monika : love you too! _

_ no homo lmao _

One thing that I despise about myself is that I just can’t say no to people, even over text. I guess I just fear for their retaliation, If I would ever manage to decline. That’s the best way to put it.

Since Natsuki is now coming over, I rush myself to my bathroom, collecting the bloody school uniform that has not dried very much from my rack of towels. Taking them downstairs, I look outside. Natsuki is no where to be found. I open the door to my laundry room and drop them into the washing machine.

My phone buzzes again. I take it out of my shorts pocket and read the notification. It’s from Monika, privately.

_ Monika : has natsuki came over yet? _

_ Yuri : No, I am sure she will arrive soon. _

_ Monika : any idea why she wants to come over so suddenly? _

I don’t know, maybe because of my arms? The bloody stain on my sleeve? My determination to get away from her as soon as possible? My unappealing personality? Any negative thoughts that kept me from accompanying her for much longer?

_ Yuri : Your guess is just as good as mine. _

_ Monika : well, have fun with her! _

_ but not too much fun ;) _

I decide to ignore Monika’s comment. Replying will only give her the reaction and satisfaction she wants.

_ *ring~* _

The doorbell rings.

Natsuki’s here already.

I look down at myself. Shit, I’m in revealing clothes. At least, revealing for my standards. My cuts are basically on display for anyone to see. I have nothing in this room, oh god, how do I fix this?

I rush out of the laundry room and see a black hoodie on my couch arm. Perfect!

I pull it over my head and quickly pull my hair up in a slightly messy high ponytail. Unfortunately, the hoodie does not cover my legs very well, as it is not as oversized as I initially thought it was. This means that one wrong move, quite literally, would expose one of my deepest secrets.

Oh no, I’m shaking again, god damnit.

Walking to the door, I open it and shudder as the frigid breeze blows into my face. There, Natsuki stands, arrogance drawn all over her visage. 

“Are you gonna let me come in or should I just stand here freezing the whole night?”

She has no jacket on, she seems to have left in a hurry. I gesture for her to come inside, not having enough faith in my voice to speak at this moment. She roughly brushes past me, setting herself down on my couch. I now have time to examine her outfit. It’s a plain white t shirt and gray sweatpants. Pretty basic.

I should start a conversation before this gets _too_ awkward.

“H-hello there, Natsuki,” I begin, taking a small breath before continuing. “now may I ask why you decided to arrive without much of a warning?” Natsuki shakes her head, a very determined look spread across her face. It’s honestly extremely intimidating.

“Cut the bullshit,” she starts, glaring up at me, “You have some explaining to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s much shorter than i originally anticipated it to be, but that’s because i wrote this and the next chapter together, but decided to fix the majority of the next chapter. i wanted to get this out quickly so i just split the chapter in half.
> 
> i wanted to also update today because i felt particularly inspired and productive today. mostly because today marks 1 year with my partner, and i felt super happy today in general :)
> 
> the next chapter will be uploaded in 3-5 days!


	4. Car Radio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsuki and Yuri talk for a lil bit hehe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from ‘Car Radio’ by twenty one pilots. I thought it fit because to me, the song means you realize how self destructive you can really be when you’re left alone or when you aren’t feeling to great. I guess I mainly thought of it because poor Yuri is going through some stuff and she’s definitely self destructive because of it.

Hm, it is very clear that she will not be persuaded in any other way. I would lie, but it becomes very obvious that I am not telling the truth by my body language and stammering. 

“I-I... had something to regarding schoolw-work and I t-totally forgot about it until we were walking home.” I hope that was a good enough excuse. I didn’t stutter as much as I expected to, so I guess that’s beneficial.

“Mhm, if so, then why didn’t you tell me? It’s common sense that you don’t run away from someone out of no where with little to no goodbye!” she snaps, looking away and going through a bag she brought with her. “I-I-I,” I can’t seem to get any words out.

“Wow, you’re horrible at lying, Yuri,” Natsuki says. I notice amusement sparking in her bright pink eyes for a short moment as she continues her search through her bag. She finally takes something out from it, but I cannot see due to my viewing angle. “Just please tell me the truth,” she pleads, bringing her gaze back to my direction.

“I... can’t,” I admit, sitting down next to her, “it’s, ah... p-private.” Natsuki then growls, clutching her fists as her knuckles begin turning white.

“Look, I came here for answers, damnit!” She exclaims, voice raising slightly. I blink at her sudden and loud outburst. She looks angry, her facial expression says it all. But then my eyes travel to her neck...

I see bruises.

Big, purple bruises scattered around her collarbone and up. Small, yellow bruises that fill in the pale canvas the is Natsuki.

I want to help her.

“Natsuki, uh-“

“I’m not finished!” She interrupts, a slight growl on the edge of her voice. I practically sink in my seat and shut up immediately. I shouldn’t have asked. I mumble a quiet and short apology, and she crosses her arms as I focus on mine. They’re itching, as if calling for a knife to be brought upon them. 

“It’s fine, I just want to help, I guess,” Natsuki mutters. There has to be something else that she wants from me. Ignoring that thought, I smile fondly before talking. The pink haired girl speaks up before I have the opportunity to.

“You’ve been acting really weird lately. You’re not as engaged in the club as you usually are and when we share poems, you’re always dismissive and daydreaming!” I listen as she explains, and I can’t help but wonder if Monika or Sayori told her about my issues? “A-Ah! I mean, not like I’ve noticed or anything, you’re just super obvious!”

Classic Natsuki.

“W-well, I assure you, I’m feeling fine,” I lie, looking back down at my forearms. “but I do thank you for worrying.” The itch is becoming increasingly hard to resist, but I know I cannot do such a risky task with a guest in my residence.

I glance down, fiddling with the hem of my sweatshirt and pulling it down as far past my thighs as it could go. The fact that the hoodie is not as concealing as I would prefer it to be is definitely worrying me, as well as the awkward silence coating my living room.

I decide that I shouldn’t be nervous to ask about a simple bruise or two that litter her collarbone and neck. If I want answers, I might as well get them. Or at least try. Depending on how she reacts, I might not get anything out of her.

“Natsuki, would y-you mind if I a-asked about your neck?”

The girl in question widens her eyes and takes a short but ragged breath. I watch as her hands gracefully slide down the purple and yellow spots that decorate her upper body. Looking at her more closely, I notice there is a faint mark on her cheek too.

Natsuki shakes her head and glares back up at me. “Do not change the subject on me,” she says, “this is not the time to be asking about me. You need to answer my question with a truthful response.”

Well, if that’s the case, then I guess I’m fucked.

I’m scared, I just want to go to my bathroom and lock myself inside for a week. I can bring food, I have faucet water, and I have my knives. I don’t see the issue in hiding away if no one would bother to come looking.

Remembering that I’m with Natsuki in my own house, having a discussion like every person normally does, I guess I have to answer.

“I j-just can’t tell you... y-y-you’re going to hate m-me,” I barely manage to speak as my voice shakes along with my hands. “You p-p-probably al-already d-do...” Anxiety takes over as I talk again. All that comes out after my last sentence is unstable breaths.

Natsuki looks hurt, but shakes her head. “You know, I don’t have time for this,” she announces while standing up, “we will talk about this tomorrow at the club meeting. But when I’m away, you need to get your story straight. The _right_ one. I’ll be expecting an explanation as soon as I enter that room at 3:00 tomorrow.”

She fixes the wrinkles in her shirt and grabs her bag from the carpeted floor. The unknown object from earlier is also in her hand. “Here,” Natsuki states bitterly as she tosses the product towards me, “it fell out of you bag when you ran from me. You’re lucky I’m a good person and kept it safe for you.”

I examine the item in my hands. It’s my book, Portrait of Markov. I hadn’t noticed it’s departure from my school bag, I suppose. “I-I’m thankful...” I quietly say. Natsuki smiles, but it falls back into a frown in an instant. “Yeah, whatever,” She grumbles, walking towards my front door. 

After a short glance back at me over her shoulder with dejected eyes, Natsuki opens the door and leaves my house.

And now, hereI sit on my couch, feeling defeated after our conversation. What am I supposed to do? How do I explain this to her? Should I just come up with a lie?

No, I can’t exactly lie, she exclusively told me not to, and I’m horrible at it anyways. She even pointed it out to me, she’ll know if I am.

Sighing, I stand up and practically rip off the black hoodie that covers my body. I won’t lie, I almost died of a heat stroke in that thing. A wave of cool air hits my arms as I free myself from the sweatshirt. If only I could expose my arms more often...

I think that as I make my way upstairs into my bathroom, taking out a sliver pocket knife to help me with the burning desire of injury.

What a disgusting and disgraceful excuse for a human I have become.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Came out later than expected, oops. I’m feeling pretty inspired today though, so the next chapter should be out sooner than this one.


	5. Girls Like Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monika rants about basketball and Sayori reveals a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from Girl Like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko. Couldn’t find anything else that fit i guess lmao.

With my book in hand, I gently open the doors to the club room. The day has gone by agonizingly slow, considering the fact that Natsuki plans to confront me again today. I sincerely hope that she forgot about our inconveniently planned “hang out,” as Monika called it.

Speaking of Monika, she is sitting at a desk that is suspiciously close to Sayori’s as I walk in. They seem to be discussing something rather important?

“Eeee! Hi Yuri!!!” Sayori is the first to greet me when I walk in. My response is only a soft smile, as to not interrupt Monika.

The green eyed girl’s attention is brought to me right after Sayori’s exclamation. “Ah, welcome Yuri,” she says, a warm smile on her face.

“Monika was telling me about her basketball game last night! You should come listen too!” Sayori seems to be extra bubbly today. Monika chuckles and puts a hand on her friend’s shoulder, then looks back up at with an awkward chuckle. “I’m sorry, she’s very hyper today. I made the mistake of giving her coffee this morning.”

I want to inquire why they were together this morning, but I let it go.

“It’s quite alright. On the other hand, I would love to hear about this basketball game of yours.” I figure asking Monika about it would definitely be a long, indulging story, but if Natsuki enters and sees me already engaged in a conversation, she may not approach me immediately.

“I thought you don’t involve yourself with sports?” Monika questions, finally taking her hand off of Sayori. “I-I will watch major league sports if I have no books to indulge myself in just to pass time. This happens frequently due to the fact that I read at a quick pace,” I reply rather confidently, as it’s not a lie at all. I would occasionally turn on a basketball game if there really was nothing else to engage myself in, so I know the rules and basics.

Monika looks shocked, and Sayori looks... just how she always looks. Upbeat and ecstatic.

“Well, I’ll start over then. I’ll admit I may have left out a few details,” she glances at Sayori, who shows a betrayed face. “Mooonniiiii! You’re so mean...” she looks away, pressing both tips of her index fingers together. “Sorry, darling. Forgive me?” Monika smiles, and Sayori nods reluctantly, a grin back on her face.

It would take an idiot to not be able to put two and two together. Something very obvious is going on between them, but it is not my place to ask or force an answer from either of them.

Monika looks back as if she forgot I was sat right across from her and begins giggling.

“Anyways, you both know that I made our school’s girls basketball team earlier this month as the starting shooting guard,” Sayori and I both nod. I do, in fact, remember. Monika was noticeably feeling elated as she walked into the club room after missing three days due to extended tryouts. She had made sure to announce to us that she had made the team after some excruciating tryouts. Sayori was overjoyed and tackled her in a hug almost right away, telling her how proud she is and how she always knew she could do it. It was the first female basketball team in our school’s history, and Monika made the starting five.

Yes, we originally only had a boy’s team, but after Monika’s argument towards the school administrators with her skills she learned from her time in the debate club, they agreed to hold tryouts for female sports as well.

I know, what a disgustingly sexist school. At least it’s our last year.

“Yesterday was our first official game. I was, well...” Monika stumbles over her words, “to say I was nervous would be an understatement. But in the locker room I got myself together and eased into an aggressive mindset.

“The game began, but our center did not win tip-off, so we started out on defense. I’ll be honest, I’m thankful that the opposing team got the ball first, because I could scope out my matchup’s weaknesses. When the main point guard passed the ball to the shooting guard, my opponent, I noticed that she had not perfected ball handling as I have.”

Sayori brings a hand to cover her mouth in an attempt to hide a laugh. At first, I am confused as to what is found funny. But I then realize...

Monika’s face turns beet red and she shakes her head. “N-no, Sayori, oh my gosh,” she buries her face in her hands, “it’s a basketball term, for dribbling the ball, not— oh why bother.”

At this point Sayori is in hysterics, and I, myself, begin to find amusement in the situation and crack a smile. Monika hangs her head in embarrassment.

The door swings open and Natsuki enters the club room, seemingly in confusion as to what happened before she arrived. Monika sits back up, a grin back on her face. “Ah, Natsuki, a little late I see?”

“Yeah, no shit. Thanks for staying the obvious,” Natsuki retorts, making her way towards the back of the classroom where the closet is. Sayori is only now beginning to calm down from her laughing fit, realizing what a sour mood Natsuki is in.

“Natsukiiiiii, why are you so maaaaad?” Her drawn out voice makes the shorter girl growl. “I’m just not in a good mood. Don’t talk to me,”

Monika frowns. “If you want, I was telling Sayori and Yuri about my basketball game last night. Maybe coming to join us would help improve your attitude?” The way Monika said that upset Natsuki even more.

“Are you saying I have an attitude problem?” she grumbles, death glaring our club president. “No, not at all,” Monika responds, “I’m just saying that you’re acting sour and I don’t want that to bring down the atmosphere of the club today.”

A quiet ‘hmph’ is heard. Monika shakes her head and takes it upon herself to continue her story.

“Anyways,” she looks back at us, “After I realized that the girl in front of me had little to no experience with dribbling the ball, it was easy to pick on her. Every couple of possessions I would be able to steal the ball, resulting in a fast break and extra points for me.

“I was taken out of the game about a quarter way through the second quarter, and sat out for the rest of the half. I could only watch as my team crumbled. We went from a 22 to 10 lead at the end of the first quarter to a 35 to 27 loss at the half.

“During the 15 minute halftime, I practice my three point shot to get us back into the game. An 8 point deficit may not seem like a big deal, but when the bench players on your team are better defensively, anything could happen.

“The third quarter began, and our team had the ball. It started out as an even matchup again, an equal amount of defense and offense from each team. The coach then took me out of the game and put in the bench players early, only halfway through the third quarter. I asked why, because I should have had more time before being taken out, and he told me, “you’ll see,”

“With no idea what that meant, I dejectedly sat next to the benchwarmers but stayed invested in the game. The defense of our players only started to decrease as the game went on. I could tell they were losing hope of winning, but I couldn’t do anything and it sucked.

“As the fourth quarter began, the coach allowed me to play again, promising an entire quarter of playing time for me. I got back in, refreshed and ready to play. The score was 48 to 61. With the help of the other four players on the court, we got our score to 59 and kept their’s at a 65 quite quickly.

“At this point, we’re down by six with a minute left. The other team had possession of the ball. As their player brought it down, I shared a glance with the point guard on my team, Kayano. We both nodded, and I left my matchup to double team her teammate. With the stress of having two defenders, you can’t think straight. This is exactly what happened to her. My teammate was able to swat the ball from the offender’s hands and make it down to half court. I happen to be faster, so she passed it to me at the three point line. With a simple jump shot free of any defenders, the ball swishes into our net and we get back into our defensive position.

“Now only down three with 45 seconds, our only choice is to press. Once the center of the opposing team inbounds the ball, Kayano puts more stress onto their’s. She then had a huge burst of blind rage. Oh my, she was mad! That poor girl didn’t know what to do with the pressing defense and mentally crumbled. I guess she just lost her cool and pushed Kayano to the floor with a string of insults, saying things about her appearance and everything! I couldn’t believe it, the girl was so angry, she brought looks into sports! You don’t comment on appearance when playing basketball!”

Natsuki shuffles out of the closet slowly, pulling up a chair next to me. She’s interested in the story now, I’m assuming from the violence.

“If it wasn’t for me, I’m sure a fight would have broken out, especially since the other school’s point guard brought up her flat chest, ahaha! I had to separate the two before any punches were thrown. Kayano would’ve definitely beaten her ass though, just sayin’!

“Anyways, that girl’s outburst resulted in a flagrant foul two and an ejection for the point guard. And since the opposing team was already over the foul limit, Kayano got to attempt two free throws.”

Natsuki scoffs. “This is why basketball sucks, there’s no action without getting in trouble!” Monika rolls her eyes at the shorter girl. “I don’t suppose you’ve played any sports with ‘action,’” she says, a hand now on her hip after creating air quotes with her fingers.

Natsuki grins. “Actually, I did. I played ice hockey when I was younger, I enjoyed the fighting and slamming people against the walls on the ice!”

...Of course that’s why she likes ice hockey.

Sayori giggles and adds to the mini discussion. “I used to play with her when we were in elementary school! She always kicked my butt... heheh,” she trails off with another giggle.

“Rightfully so!” Natsuki points at her, a confident look on her face, “You didn’t know any of the rules at all!” Sayori puts a hand on her chest to act offended. “Hey, I tried!” Sayori retorts, crossing her arms.

Monika then clears her throat, gaining the younger two’s attentions once again. However, a sudden solemn expression shows on Natsuki. She sounded very enthusiastic when she talked about her sport, but now she’s looking down and rubbing her neck.

“Anyways,” she continues , “she made both of the shots, keeping us at a 1 point deficit with about 42 seconds left. The backup point guard replaced the ejected one and was advised to dribble out the clock, doubting that any of us would be able to make a shot in 18 seconds with extreme pressing. Fortunately, when our center inbounded the ball, she passed to me!

“I was able to get around my first defender, only to meet another. Keeping the ball protected, I called for a screen. Our power forward set one, and I dribbled towards the right wing. The opposing power forward met me at the line, with 10 seconds left.

“I stayed for three seconds, performed a between-the-legs crossover, leaned back and shot the ball!”

Monika re-enacted her move excitedly, dribbling an imaginary ball between her legs before grabbing it, leaning back and shooting.

“It was like slow motion! Everyone’s eyes followed as the ball was in the air. It started to fall, right into the basket! We won by two!!!”

Sayori screeches and jumps up, hugging Monika with high enthusiasm. “I can’t believe you hit the game winning shot!” She exclaims, “And a fade-away shot too! That’s my girlfr—“

Monika flushes a deep red and covers Sayori’s mouth. Natsuki and I both grow interested.

Girlfriend?

“Woah, so you both are actually together? Damn, I thought you were just too emotionally attached to leave each other alone,” Natsuki snickers.

“No! We’re just— she—“ Monika is at a loss for words, attempting to find a way to resolve the situation. “Let’s just tell them, okay? They won’t judge,” Sayori smiles, “plus, my gaydar is receiving some strong compatibility between those two!” She points at Natsuki and I with a mischievous look on her face.

She’s implying that Natsuki and I should... uh, go out together, huhu. What an interesting thought.

However, I do not care for entertaining it.

“No,” Natsuki begins, a disgusted look plastered on her face. Her voice seems relatively calm from that statement, I expected a harsher reaction from her. “I wouldn’t date her. But you two can’t just change the subject like that.”

I nod, even though that first comment may have sting quite a bit.

What am I saying? I don’t like her...

Do I?

No, let’s not dwell on this as of right now.“I agree with Natsuki, this conversation should not be avoided at all.”

Monika appears wary at first, but Sayori tells us without hesitation. “We’re dating!” She exclaims, wrapping an arm around Monika, who becomes even redder. (I had no clue that was possible.)

“It’s been about two months, heheh,” Monika adds, suddenly appearing more confident. “I was the one who asked her out!” Her proud demeanor fades once Sayori speaks. “After I confessed first, silly! I waited a whole day until you officially asked me!” She huffs.

“Well, good for you two. I’ve had my suspicions about you both for a while,” I grin and Natsuki shakes her head. “It was totally obvious, but thanks for finally telling us, you nerds.”

“Thanks guys!” Sayori beams, “it means a lot to us!”

Natsuki stands up. “No problem, Sayori. Now,” she looks at me with fierce pink eyes, “come with me to the back of the class. We have a discussion we need to begin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter so far! eheheh. I’m personally very passionate when it comes to basketball, since it’s my favorite sport and I play as much as I can, so it was easy to write about it. I figured since Monika is described as athletic, she needed to play something.  
> Also, I needed a name for the point guard, so I settled with Kaede Kayano from Assassination Classroom as a name holder, hahah.  
> Also, Natsuki playing ice hockey when she was younger seemed very fitting with all the violence in that sport. Just my thoughts :)


	6. museum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri’s secret is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from the song ‘Museum’ by renforshort

Well, so much for trying to get out of this.

“A-ah, y-yes, of course,” I stumble over my words, standing up from my chair next to Monika, wobbling slightly. I grip the chair to hold my balance and take a breath. I have no idea what I should be anticipating, and that’s what’s upsetting my anxiety. If only I could go run and hide in the bathroom and cu—

“Yuri! I know you’re faster than that, you skyscraper, so get yourself over here,” Natsuki exclaims, sitting in front of the closet and facing me. “S-sorry,” I stammer out, straightening my uniform before beginning to walk forward.

“Took you long enough. Let’s go inside,” the feisty girl demands, opening the closet doors. I bow my head as I enter the rather cramped space. This was definitely not made for someone of my height.

It was dark when Natsuki closed the door. I was huddle up in a corner, knees to my chest. Natsuki was easily able to slip in and sit criss crossed across from me.

Ooh, that was an interesting line. Maybe I’ll use it in a poem sometime.

Natsuki clears her throat, gaining my attention once again. She’s staring dead ahead at me, her eyes the color of star rubies staring straight into my soul. To say I’m uncomfortable would be an understatement. I’m unpleasantly terrified.

“Well? I’m waiting on you to begin,” Natsuki says, crossing her arms. Why am I supposed to begin our conversation? She should know I handle conflict and interaction as well as a mouse!

I look away, unable to hold her gaze for long. “I-I apologize, b-but I do not know wh-where to start,” I reply, rubbing my left arm with my hand. Natsuki huffs and sits up, bringing herself closer to me. She gently moves my hand from my arm and  _ holds _ it.

She’s  _ holding my hand. _

“E-eh?” I squeak. I can see a slight blush on her face, but I’m almost positive that mine is more noticeable. “Ugh, don’t think of anything weird!” Natsuki says, keeping her eyes on me, “It’s just the only way I could stop you from touching your arms, okay?”

I nod, only being able to focus on her hand in mine. It’s a heavenly feeling and her hands are extremely soft. Though I do understand that she has no intentions of making it seem that way. After all, she did just tell me not to think anything weird.

She’s stopped looking at me, her eyes fixated lower than my face. I follow her gaze towards... my arm?

Uh oh.

With her free hand, Natsuki takes my wrist and lightly pulls it outward towards her. Instinctively, I bring my arm back to me, out of her reach.

“Yuri,” she looks up at me, “this isn’t what I think, right?”

Her face shows a melancholy expression. I feel bad, this makes me want to stop, but at the same time, I want to hide and make myself bleed for minutes at a time.

My mouth opens, but I am unable to get anything out. Anything I would say could only make this situation worse. Natsuki sighs. “It is, isn’t it?”

She appears hurt, but the reason for such a look is what I am incapable of piecing together. There are many reasons why she could feel somber and they all race through my brain, making it impossible to choose just one.

“Since you’re not saying or doing anything,” Natsuki starts, “I’ll assume that I’m right. Show me your arms.”

It’s not a question, it’s a demand. I don’t even have the opportunity to say no, not that I trust myself to speak in the first place. I bring forward my arm that I previously drew back, and extended the one Natsuki is already holding.

She lets go of my hand. I decide that I can’t watch her, so I close my eyes. It’s deeply embarrassing, revealing one of my darkest secrets.

I feel a graceful touch grab ahold of my sleeve. I almost flinch from the touch but her grip is strong, keeping my arm in place. Slowly, I open one eye to peek at Natsuki. With her free hand, she wipes her eyes of stray tears. She mumbles something to herself before rolling my sleeve as high as possible.

“I knew it... y-you dummy,” Natsuki mutters, letting go of my arm and wiping her eyes once again. Shaking her head, she grabs my other arm and quickly pushes the sleeve up, only to see the same result as the other forearm.

I’ve never seen Natsuki cry. I mean, sure, she came close to it during the aftermath of multiple disagreements that led to yelling and insults between the both of us. We disagree quite often, which has lead to a mutual feeling of discomfort around each other. However, disregarding the discomfort, I still silently hope to grow closer to the smaller girl.

Natsuki sniffles, bringing me back to reality. The reality of her in front of me, just seconds after seeing how greatly of a fuck up I am. Tears are currently streaming down her face and her nose is red as she continues covering her eyes. Throughout all of this, she continues to look like an angel.

...Did I really just think that, in this damn situation we’re in??

“I had a feeling,” Natsuki states, “you’re not good at hiding it.”

That summons a pit in my stomach. If she says I’m bad at hiding my... issue, then who else knows? Has Natsuki told anyone?

Or did Monika and Sayori tell her?

As if reading my mind, Natsuki answers my internal questions.

“I’ll just be straight up honest with you. I told Sayori and Monika about my suspicions, if that’s what you were wondering. When I spoke to them, they told me that they planned on telling me eventually, “when the time was right.” I started getting cautious when we hung out those couple of times during last summer. Especially when we went to the pier. Remember that?”

I nod. I do remember. Sayori dragged Natsuki on all the rollercoasters, so I stayed with Monika as much as I could. We only ended up walking around and talking while waiting for the other two to depart from the rides. It was rather peaceful, we all got ice cream that day too.

Natsuki nods too, continuing her speech. “Good, me too. It was about 90 degrees, and yet you still wore long sleeves and leggings! I tried to brush it off, but then I remember that Sayori grabbed your arm for some reason. I forget why, but I do recall your face. You had a wild look of pain. Physical pain.”

That I recall very vividly. Sayori was the one who produced the idea to the get ice cream. Of course, she started whining to Monika, at the time that they weren’t dating but I still had my suspicions. Monika refuses, saying she didn’t have enough money with her. I, however, did, and proposed the idea of me paying. Sayori was thrilled, jumping around, hugging me, and as Natsuki said, pulling my arm. I don’t hold it against her, she was only excited.

Natsuki has now stopped crying. She rolled my sleeves back down. “After that day, I could pick out all the tint details I researched online. I’m sure I was more observant than Monika and Sayori. They said they had no idea until your... um...”

She trails off, looking away again. I feel tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. She means my attempt. In my defense, it was an accidental attempt

“I-it was only accidental...” I point out. Natsuki nods. “I know, I heard. I just... didn’t know how to approach you about it. I wanted you to know I’m here for you, but emotions suck and I suck even more at conveying them, she rubs her forearm, but stops after looking back up at me, “ha, looks like I’ve picked up on your arm rubbing habit.”

I show a slight smile of amusement. I know she’s trying to lighten the mood, she’s trying to be like Sayori. If only we could all be like her, happy all the time and great with people.

Natsuki stands, putting her hand on the closet door. “Can I come over again tonight? I would like to talk about this more, if that’s okay with you,” she asks, keeping her eyes locked with mine, “unless you don’t want to, that’s fine too.”

“N-no, no, you can come over. We can walk to my house after the club if that satisfies you. I promise I won’t run away again,” I stand as well, only to bump my head in the process. “Kyaa!” I exclaim, falling back down and clutching the top of my head. Natsuki facepalms before crouching back down to my level. “Yuri! Jeez, you’re almost as bad as Sayori at this point!”

“Ah- don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine,” I stand back up too, this time being wary of the shelf that injured me. Natsuki glances at me worriedly befitting finally opening the door of the closet.

Monika and Sayori are no where to be found. On the door is a note, obviously written with Monika’s precise and beautiful cursive handwriting. Below is Sayori’s messy but readable writing, which she underlined fro emphasis

Nat + Yuri ~

We thought you should be left alone, teehee. Don’t worry, we just went to my house. I left the keys on the teachers desk for the both of you to lock up for today. We have plans to discuss tomorrow though, so don’t skip, love doves!!

P.S.I’m planning a sleepover!!!!!!!

“Love doves?” Natsuki repeats, “I’m gonna-“ she looks back at me and stops herself. “I’m not gonna do anything as of right now,” she mutters quickly.

I giggle as I pick up my bag from the floor. Natsuki does the same. We leave the room and I lock the door, placing the key in my bag.

This’ll be a long walk home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s later than expected, I got hung up with online schoolwork and didn’t have much time to write. I’ll have a longer chapter prepared next time!
> 
> Also, I’m debating starting a one shot series of either Nagisa x Kayano or Sheele x Mine. I don’t know which though, feel free to comment your suggestions heheh. Until next time!


	7. Screen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsuki and Yuri talk again, Yuri visits Monika and Sayori.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from ‘Screen’ by Twenty One Pilots
> 
> I’m gradually working my way up to longer chapters ahaha.

Natsuki and I arrive at my house together after our seemingly long walk to our destination. Conversation was limited as we walked in the cool autumn air.

I can’t help but worry about the questions Natsuki would ask. Depending on how I would answer, she could view me differently. This is the closest we have been without engaging in any arguments and I certainly do not plan on ruining that tonight.

“Are you going to open the door?” Natsuki snaps, crossing her arms. Silently, I unlock the door to my house. I cant muster up the courage to speak, so I keep myself quiet. “Sorry, I don’t know how to deal with this, I didn’t mean to snap,” She almost immediately apologizes. I nod in response. 

Upon entering my house, I feel a strong wave of anxiety overlapping any other emotion I may have been feeling before. I feel lightheaded, as if I can pass out at any given moment. It surely isn’t a nice feeling at all.

Natsuki walks in and closes the door behind her. She sits on my couch, obviously making herself comfortable. “Come here,” she says, patting the open spot next to her, “we have a lot to talk about, don’t we?” She smiles slightly, but we both know that this topic will be difficult to cover.

I nod and carefully sit next to her while rubbing my forearm. She shifts her body to face me, reaching over taking my hand once again to stop me from irritating any wounds. It sent shivers up my arm, the feeling of her hand holding mine. A delightful feeling for sure.

“There’s two ways we can do this,” Natsuki begins, squeezing my hand slightly, “I could ask you the questions I have, or you can just talk. What’s your choice?”

What would be the better choice here? If she asks questions, I may not have to go until detail. If I speak freely, there’s a chance that I could unknowingly ramble and let out other secrets that I have.

“I-I’ll... uh,” I look down, unable to speak or think correctly, “s-sorry.”

Natsuki tilts her head like a dog would. “Don’t apologize when you didn’t do anything wrong. I just need an answer, okay?”

This is completely unlike her, but I dare not tell her to her face. I cannot risk a mental blow up out of her at this time.

“Y-yeah, sorry,” I mumble, but mentally curse myself afterward for the use of an apology again, “you c-can ask questions.”

Natsuki nods. “Well, uh, when did this start?”

“About three years ago. Th-there was an... incident, one that I-I cannot openly speak about without consequences,” I reply, using my free hand to twist a strand of violet hair. It’s another... quirk, as some would call it, that I tend to do when I’m anxious.

Natsuki looks like she’s questioning something. She probably wants to ask, but I can’t tell her anything about that.

“Okay, how did you find out about how to do... this?” Natsuki gestures to my forearm with a slight head nod. “I-it was in a book of mine,” I say, “I suddenly wanted to try it. It seemed to help the protagonist, and I needed the help.”

Natsuki rubs her thumb over the back of my hand slowly. It creates a calming sensation, much better than the kind that I get with knives.

“Doesn’t sound like a good book then,” Natsuki remarks with a grin on her face, “anyways, does anyone else know?”

I shake my head. “Only Monika and Sayori,” I mumble. Natsuki widens her eyes “Not even your parents?”

I shake my head again, but the rest of my body now is as well. I pull my hand back from Natsuki’s and bury my head in my hands.

M-my parents...

“Shit, I’m sorry, did I say something bad?” Natsuki’s voice wavers in worry. “N-no, I’ll b-be okay,” I mumble, bringing my head back up. It’s not her fault she doesn’t know about the situation with my parents.

“Are you not close with your parents?” she asks, worrying fading into curiosity in her facial expression. “I-I uh, d-don’t wish to speak about i-it,” I respond.

“Sorry for asking, I shouldn’t be pressing about this kind of stuff,” Natsuki chuckles, rubbing the side of her neck slightly. I noticed that the bruises from yesterday are gone.

Actually, they’re not gone, just hidden with what I would assume is makeup.

Obviously it’s makeup, what else would it even be?

I nod for the hundredth time this evening. “Can I see your arms again?” Natsuki inquires. She already saw them today, so there is no point in saying no. “Y-yeah,” I mumble, holding both forearms out as if I committed a crime and am now in front of a police officer.

A different simile than usual, I’ll admit, but it applies.

“What I want to do would require different clothes, ya know?” Natsuki says, bringing up her school bag from the ground and beginning to rummage through its contents.

“As in, short sleeves?” I reply in a question in tone. “Yeah, I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable,” she confirms.

I shake my head. “Not at all, y-you have already seen the worst of it, therefore it’s n-not an issue,” I smile slightly, “I will be back soon.”

I stand up, smoothing out my skirt before grabbing my own bag and walking up the stairs to my room. Dropping the bag on my floor dramatically, I begin to tear off my uniform. I change quickly, I don’t want Natsuki to wait for too long.

My new outfit is just a black tank top and track shorts. I figured that I should put on shorts because of the marks on my thighs that Natsuki hopefully doesn’t know about yet.

I start to leave my room, but pause at the sight of the bathroom, where my knives reside. If I wanted to, I could end it. Natsuki wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore. Sayori and Monika wouldn’t have to worry about my mental wellbeing. I won’t have to keep the burden of the secrets I bear.

No, not yet.

I make my way down the stairs once again. Now I realize that I’m exposed. I’ve never shown this much skin around anyone before, yet here I am with Natsuki, arms and legs both exposed for her to see.

I walk down the last step and look at Natsuki, who’s just on her phone. Next to her are various medical supplies, such as bandages and rubbing alcohol. “I-I’m back...” I announce quietly. Natsuki looks up at me, staring for a little too long for my liking.

“Come sit back down,” she says, putting her phone into her bag. I comply and sit next to Natsuki. She grabs the rubbing alcohol next to her and a cotton ball from a plastic bag.

“I’m sure you already know this, but it’ll hurt,” Natsuki warns, uncapping the bottle. “I’m s-sure it will,” I giggle quietly, hoping to lighten the mood. It doesn’t work.

Natsuki takes the now dampened cotton ball and takes my left arm. She wipes it over the first few cuts on my wrist. I hiss at the sensation almost immediately. It stings. I instinctively try to pull my arm back, but Natsuki’s grip on my wrist is strong.

“I’m sorry, but they have to be cleaned,” her voice lacks any emotion, only concentration. She continues dabbing at the wounds with the cotton ball, creating more pain for me. This isn’t like the pain I get from knives, it’s so so so much worse.

After a couple of long, distasteful minutes, Natsuki puts down the alcohol-soaked ball of cotton and drops it onto a napkin she brought with her. She grabs a roll of bandages and gently rolls it around just above my elbow to my wrist.

“Next arm,” Natsuki says, retrieving another cotton ball from her plastic bag and dampening it with alcohol again. I extend my right arm, wincing at the large wound from the accidental attempt three weeks ago. Natsuki notices it too.

“I didn’t see this one earlier,” she comments, eyes on the dark gash that reopened yesterday, “was this from the accident?”

“Y-yes, as you can see, it’s deeper than the oth- fuck!” I yelp as Natsuki presses the cotton ball onto the deep gash. Natsuki pauses but starts to giggle. “Sorry, sorry. I just never heard you swear before. You can continue,” she mumbles as she resumes.

“It’s j-just deeper than the others,” I mutter back, unable to talk normally from the stinging in my arms. Natsuki finishes up with the alcohol and wraps my right arm as well.

“Thanks,” I smile awkwardly. “No problem. I would help with your legs, but I’m sure that would be weird,” Natsuki replies, packing up the medical supplies. She takes her phone out of her bag and turns it on to see the time.

“Fuck! I’m sorry, I really have to go! My dad’s gonna kill me if I’m too late!” Natsuki exclaims, packing up faster and dropping her phone in the bag. I look at the analog clock on the wall. It’s not even five, why would she be rushing?

“I’ll come back over to replace the bandages if you want, I just really have to go,” Natsuki rushes as she picks up her bag. She stands, almost falling in the process. She dashes towards my front door and opens it.

“See you tomorrow, bye!!” The door is slammed as there is no trace of the pink haired girl left. I sigh at the sudden loss of company.

The bandages are beginning to irritate my wounded skin. Before I have any time to dwell on the subject, my phone rings. I take it from my shorts pocket and read the caller name.

Oh, it’s just Monika.

Hesitantly, I press the green answer button. “H-hey,” I greet, stretching myself out on my couch.

“Hiya Yuri!!” The caller exclaims. This is definitely not Monika speaking. “Sayori?” I question.

“Teehee,” Sayori giggles as shuffling is heard. I can faintly hear Monika in the background. “May I ask why you’re calling me on Monika’s phone?” I ask.

“I’m at her house and we lost my phone, ahaha,” she replies. “No, you lost your phone, Sayo. I had nothing to do with it,” Monika adds in the background. “Well, we’re together so it’s both of our faults,” the blue eyed girl announces. A sigh is heard afterwards.

“Anyways,” Sayori continues, “how are you and Nat?”

“Fine, we j-just, ah, hung out for a while. She left a few moments ago,” I say. “Mkay. You should come over to Monika’s! We can invite Natsuki too!”

“I love how you decided to just not approach me on this at all,” Monika says, a lot closer to the phone this time. Sayori chuckles.

“If you’re okay with it, Monika, I am able to come over. If not, I-I understand,” I offer, standing up from the couch.

“Sure, I just gotta clean up a bit more but I’m positive that Sayori is going to be helping. How about you ask Nat? I figured you two are close enough that she’ll answer right away,” Monika giggles.

“I’m just happy they’re getting along now!” Sayori mentions. “I’m just curious as to why.”

“W-we uh, just found some s-similar interests, that’s a-all,” I stammer. “Relax, Yuri, we’re not trying to fluster you. We’ll let you get ready now, come over in about an hour, okay?” Monika says.

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” I reply. “Bye Yuri!” Sayori excitedly says before the call ends. Before I get comfortable, I walk back up my stairs to my room and begin to lay out clothes. While doing so, I keep my phone on and text Natsuki

_ Yuri : Sayori and Monika invited us both to Monika’s house. I can drive you if you wish to attend. _

Fast forward half an hour and still no response from Natsuki. I assume she didn’t want to go and just ignored my text, so I grab a light purple hoodie and throw it on over the pastel blue thin long sleeved shirt I’m wearing. I grab my phone, glancing at my private chat with Natsuki before shaking my head and turning off the phone, heading out into the chilly air to my car.

Now we fast forward twenty more minutes, I have arrived at Monika’s house. I exit my car, grabbing my phone from the cup holder I placed it in earlier. The screen lights up once I tap it. Still no text from Natsuki.

I knock on the door, waiting for a minimum of five seconds. The door swings open and I’m instantly brought into a hug by Sayori. “EEEE I missed youuuu!” She squeals, tightening her grip around me. “You just saw me today...” I murmur. “But that was foreeeeverrrr ago!”

“Sayo let her walk inside,” Monika advises, pulling Sayori back lightly by her shoulder, “You didn’t bring Natsuki with you?”

“I-I’m sorry, but n-no, she never responded to my text,” I respond, walking inside. I’ve only been to Monika’s house once before. She had forgotten her notebook in the club room and asked if I could bring it to her. Both times I have now been to her house, it’s as neat as ever.

“Hm. That’s suspicious.” Monika mumbles before walking off again. “Anyways, now that you’re here, we can have fun!” Sayori laughs as she pulls me toward the couch area, where they have a wii set up for four players. Monikadisconnects the fourth controller with a slightly troubled look on her face.

“Look! I set up Mariokart for us to play!” Sayori announces, switching the player count to three. “I, uh, have never played Mariokart,” I confess, hiding in my hair. “You WHAT?” Sayori sounds shocked as her jaw hangs open, “I’ll just have to teach you everything about it!”

For the rest of the night, Monika and Sayori kicked my ass on Mariokart, to say blatantly. The highest place I reached was ninth. As I left, I couldn’t get Monika’s expression out of my head. When I told her Natsuki never answered, she looked distraught, as if she knows something happened.

I only have little time to think about as I drive home, my thoughts being occupied on my driving and how drowsy I feel. Once I get home, I slip off my shoes and head upstairs, collapsing onto my bed and promptly after falling asleep from mental and social exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i watch angel beats and cried for over an hour.


	8. Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri frets over Natsuki and the latter returns to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when you’re out of ideas for titles -_-  
> title is from the song “Demons” by Imagine Dragons.

The ringing of a noisy alarm from my phone knocks me out of my sleeping state. Judging by how drained I was the previous day, I swore I could’ve slept for two days straight. However, now is not the time to sleep, as it is 6:45 am and I must prepare for school.

I begrudgingly throw off the blankets that I had wrapped around me and sit up, yawning. The cold air of the room quickly surrounded me as I stand up, stretching out my arms and legs. I finally try to turn off the obnoxious alarm. I turn on my phone with its passcode and it automatically opens to my private chat with Natsuki. My last message inviting her to Monika’s house, which was sent yesterday and left on read hours after it had sent.

She’s beginning to cause me worry. She said her father would kill her if she was home late, but now I’m beginning to wonder if she had meant that literally.

Monika has to know something. Her apprehensive yet curious expression from yesterday still haunts me. Before I can stop myself, I open my contacts app on my phone and scroll down until I see Monika’s name. I press down on it, initiating a call. The number rings twice before the green eyed girl answers.

“Yuri? What’s up?” She begins, voice dropping with very slight worry. My newfound confidence dissolved as fast as it appeared. “Uhm... I wanted t-to know if y-you know anything about N-Natsuki?” I trip over my words while I speak. If only I could just say what’s on my mind like Natsuki...

I hear Monika sigh on the other end of the line. “Maybe she’s just sick, Yuri,” Monika suggested, “you do tend to worry too much sometimes.”

I cannot deny her statement, but now that I think about it, it’s all coming together. Her poem a couple days ago, about a kitten and the owner of it. It lightly resembled possession of one in much lower power, but I overlooked it. The bruises on her neck, which after I noticed she had covered with makeup,The face Monika made after I told her Natsuki never answered after her abrupt departure.

I don’t want to assume anything, but at this point what choice do I have? She did also snap when I asked her about her home life and what she does in her free time on our first walk together.

I can’t take this. Monika obviously knows something. 

“You still there?” Monika’s voice happens to pull me from my thoughts. With determination to find out what happened to my club member, I reply.

“Yes, I am. What I want to know is if she is okay or not. I told you what happened yesterday and you looked terrified,” I call her out. Monika stutters, seemingly trying to find words to respond back with. “I’m sorry,” I add quickly, “it’s just that we were really starting to become closer, I don’t want to lose that.”

Monika chuckles lightly, her stuttering now gone. “Don’t you think you’re getting a little too upset over this? I’m sure it’s not a huge deal,” she claims. I sigh and put my phone on speaker, bringing the device along with myself to my bathroom as I begin my morning routine. I pick up my black hairbrush as Monika continues speaking. “I’ll tell you what. If Natsuki doesn’t show up for our club meeting, I’ll tell you everything I know.”

“So you do know something,” I remark while guiding the brush through the strands of my knotted dark purple hair. “I’ll admit, I do. But this information was told by Natsuki, and she strictly stated for me not to tell anyone unless there’s an emergency,” Monika replies. I freeze, hair brush still in the tangled mess of purple. “E-emergency?” I sputter, “w-what would qualify as an emergency?”

“I got your attention now, didn’t I?” The green eyed girl on the other end snickers, “though I’m not sure whether or not her current situation would be distressing enough to be considered an emergency.” My brush falls from my hands onto the tiled floor with a clang. The noise causes me to flinch. “Yuri?” I hear from my phone. “S-sorry, I dropped my brush,” I mumble, quickly retrieving it from the floor and placing it onto the vanity.

“Okay, well I have to get to school, I’ll see you in third period,” Monika says as I fumble with the clips I’m attempting to put in my hair. I almost forgot that she likes to be excessively early to school to uphold her perfect reputation. “I understand. See you soon,” I instantly end the call. I rest my elbows on the vanity, burying my head in my hands. I’m feeling so many emotions at this point and can’t help but let out a scream consisting of mostly anger and anxiety. I luckily don’t have to worry about anyone trying to find out what was wrong since my parents are long gone. It’s a surprise to me that no one knows the truth about them yet. They’ve supposedly been “M.I.A.” for the past two weeks, as the officer put it, but I know what really happened. As long as I’m the only person who knows the truth, I have nothing to worry about on that matter.

The only person I have to worry about is Natsuki. Even before we weren’t close, if you would even call us close now, she would still answer any of my messages within two hours.

I quickly slip on my school uniform, scrunching up my face when the sleeves tighten around my forearms. The bandages around them leave barely any room between my arm and the sleeve.

Next on my list for this morning is to call Sayori. Regarding how close her and Monika are, her girlfriend has had to have told her something by now. I pick my phone back up, scrolling through the contacts until I find Sayori.

Perhaps Monika already told Sayori that I called her, in the amount of time I’ve been thinking, but I need answers and I need them now. Out of everyone in our club, Natsuki seems the most comfortable with Sayori, so she must know something too, right?

I press the call button next to Sayori’s contact and wait as the phone rings. Within seconds, I hear her bubbly voice on the other end. “Yuri!!! You never call me!” She exclaims, obviously excited by the unexpected call. “Y-yes, I apologize, I just ne-“

“Don’t apologize silly!” She interrupts me, “Wait, can I FaceTime you instead? I know it’s morning and all but normal calls are just so boringggg!”

“I suppose it isn’t an issue, I’m relatively finished my routine,” I reply, picking up my makeup bag and digging through it to find my foundation. “Yay! Just hold on a sec,” Sayori squeals and hangs up out call as i pull the packaging of foundation from the small bag. Not even a minute later, a FaceTime call pops up on my phone screen, showing me my bathroom ceiling. As fast as I could, I propped my phone up against my mirror and answer the call, all while putting the correct amount of makeup on my pale face. “I’m baaaaack!” Sayori announces, currently trying to keep her phone from falling. She’s surprisingly already in her school uniform.

“Sooo what made you want to call me?” She asks, sitting down in a desk chair in front of her device. “I, uh, needed— well I w-wanted... uuuu,” I trip over my own words, unable to properly form any sentences. Where did my confidence from the earlier phone call with Monika go?

“Take your time, hehe,” Sayori encourages, looking at the camera intensely while fixing her signature red bow. “Sorry,” I manage to say, searching through my makeup bag once again, “I was wondering if you had heard anything front Natsuki s-since yesterday at the club?”

Sayori shakes her head. “I’m afraid not, she’s starting to worry me...” the blue-eyed girl trails off as she looks down. “I feel the same way,” I admit, “I am growing nervous when thinking about her. She-she never disappears like this, a-am I correct?”

“I mean, she promised to always tell me if something happened to her,” Sayori replies. I nod, finally finding the damn mascara that I’ve been looking for. I step out of the camera frame to apply the makeup. “I didn’t know you wore makeup, Yuri,” the younger girls states, obviously attempting to change the subject of the conversation, “you must really be good at it if I’ve never noticed.”

“I don’t wear it often,” I say, dropping the mascara back into the bag, “just occasionally.”

A knock on Sayori’s door causes her to quickly look up. “Eee, I gotta go! Monika’s gonna wall me to school!” she rushed to pick up her phone, “Bye Yuri!” She ends the FaceTime without letting me even have the chance to say goodbye. Normally, something like this would cause me to berate myself. However, with the constant worry for Natsuki, I don’t have time to do so. I grab my bag for school and swing it over my shoulder, beginning my walk to school. Yes, I could drive if I really wanted to, but the peacefulness of walking helps to calm my nerves every once in a while.

The short walk to school, in fact, did nothing to ease my anxiety. Perhaps it may have became worse on the way. I make my way to my locker once I enter the school doors. Since I’m in a grade higher than Natsuki, there would be no way of me to know if Natsuki is here until club time unless I text Sayori in class.

Maybe I should do that. I close my locker once my books for my first class are out. I sigh, resting my head against the metal. I sincerely hope Natsuki is here today.

The day passes by slowly. I decided against texting Sayori, as I didn’t wanna disturb her classes, if she was even paying attention. The thought of the small pink-haired girl haunted me when I thought of all the worst possibilities that may have happened to her. Currently walking to the club room, I try to push the thoughts from my mind. I know that worrying won’t help anything, but its a part of my nature to do so.

I enter the club room and I see that Monika is already here. Signs of apprehension are evident on the popular girl’s face as she looks down at her desk. “Am I right to assume that Natsuki i-is absent from school today?” I question, dropping my bag on the floor next to the desk I always reside at.

“Huh?” Monika looks up hastily, “Oh, I wouldn’t know, I’ve been studying all day!” She says, sighing dramatically. I can see she’s picked up a few of Sayori’s character traits. “You would have to ask Sayori when she arrives, she might know,” the green-eyed girl adds, dropping her gaze back to the papers in front of her.

I frown slightly, Sayori is almost always late, it would be unfortunate to wait for her. But if it is what I must do, I plan to go along with it.

I grab a book from my bag and try to read. Focusing on words on a page isn’t particularly what I would prefer to be doing at the moment, but what other choice do I have? Search the entire school until I find Natsuki, if she’s even here? No, I couldn’t possibly do that.

Sayori soon bursts through the doors, giggling continuously. “Come on, crippled,” she says, holding the door open behind her, “you’re so slow!”

“Make fun of me one more time and I’m seriously done with you!” A voice retorts. I snap my head up almost instantly when I hear the sharp comment. Coming through the club doors was Natsuki, limping and clutching her right arm. Monika stands from her desk and rushes over to help the smaller girl.

“Back off, I’m capable of walking on my own!” Natsuki growls. Sayori side glances her. “You literally fell this morning in homeroom,” she laughs towards the end of her sentence as Natsuki’s eyes widen and her face flushes. “There was no need to bring that up!”

Monika’s already bombarding the poor girl with questions, and as much as I may want to join, I figured all the attention could cause her to blow up at all of us. Therefore I sit at my desk, rereading the same few lines in the novel in front of me.

Once the shock of Natsuki’s return has subsided, I feel a gentle tap on my shoulder. Of course, not expecting it, I slightly jump from my chair. I whip my head around and look next to me, it’s just Natsuki. 

“Heh, my bad, didn’t mean to shock you,” she smiles. She pulls a chair over to the same desk as me and sits down. “While they’re being all lovey dovey and shit,” she says, gesturing to the club president and vice president, “I thought we could talk.”

“O-oh, okay,” I mumble, retrieving my bookmark and placing it in the novel. “Sorry for kinda ignoring all the texts from last night,” Natsuki apologizes, messing with an eraser on the desk, “It was a, uh... rough day, I guess you could say. Didn’t even have time to write a poem.”

I nod in understanding. “Don’t worry yourself over it,” I smile softy, “I was only a little worried.”

“LIES!” Sayori shouts, abandoning her conversation with Monika. “You called both of us this morning asking if we knew where she was and all that!”

I hang my head down, hiding in my hair. It was unnecessary of her to out me like that, but I don’t hold anything against her. “So you did miss me,” Natsuki grins smugly. “Ah, maybe a bit,” I admit, cheeks hearing up.

“I won’t bug ya about it,” she says, “after all, I didn’t come here to talk about me. I came to ask about you.” I flip open my book once again, fiddling with the pages as Natsuki speaks.

She lowers her voice to a whisper. “I wanted to know if you, uh,” She points to my forearm closest to her. I shake my head with slight pride. “No, I did not,” I respond, looking back at the younger girl. “Good,” she replies.

“If you two are done flirting, we have to share poems,” Monika teases. I suddenly realize that I didn’t have time to write any poems from when Natsuki was at my house to when I went to Monika’s.

“I apologize, but I do not have one prepared,” I say truthfully. “I don’t either,” Natsuki sharply replies. Monika frowns.

“Hm. Keep being cute over there then!~” she winks as she turned to Sayori with a journal in hand. Natsuki shakes her head disapprovingly and looks back at me. I decide now is the best time to ask about her disappearance.

“What happened to y-you yesterday?” I inquire, stuttering slightly. Natsuki’s demeanor changes straight away. “My phone died and I fell, that’s all,” her once caring attitude towards me shifted to anger.

“You can trust m-me, you know?” I say, in attempt to assure her that I’m here for her. “You can tell me if there’s something the matter. I hope you can trust me like I-I trust you...”

“It’s not that,” Natsuki mutters, “you don’t understand. Maybe I’ll tell you someday.”

I’m confused. With all that I’ve trusted her with, I thought maybe she could at least tell me something. She changes the subject almost right after her last sentence, and we talk about whatever was on our minds until the club ends. I found it calming, to actually talk to someone for that long and feel comfortable.

“Wanna walk with me?” Natsuki asks, waiting for me by the door once the club has ended. “Of course,” I confirm once I have all of my belongings together. She starts out of the club room, but she’s noticeably much slower and less energetic as she walks. Her leg must really be bothering her...

“Are you sure nothing happened yesterday?” I ask once again, glancing at the pink-eyed girl. “Positive,” she snaps, but softens her gaze after doing so. She mumbles an apology and I accept. 

We part ways after I turn down my street, but I watch as she limps on. I can’t help but feel bad. I feel like I have to warn her trust more, but something is definitely up with her life outside of school. I seem like a detective, but it is what it is. I continue on to my house and prepare for some serious thought on Natsuki’s situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got through the first danganronpa anime without crying and i don’t know if i should be proud or what. currently playing the game now, and my favorite will always be Celestia <3  
> Stay safe readers! •.•


	9. basketball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsuki has a talk with Monika.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for the wait! I got uninspired to write this ship, i got a bit carried away with celegiri eheheh.  
> i gave up on song titles haha  
> !!!trigger warning for child abuse!!!

_ “‘Suki! Why are you home so goddamn late?” The dreadful man roared, slamming his fist onto the kitchen counter her leaned on. I flinched at his unnecessary yelling before I get the courage to speak. “I-I was at a fr-friends house, Papa,” I mumble, head hanging low. I can’t bear to look at the man who causes me so much pain, both physically and mentally. _

_ I hear footsteps come closer and closer, louder and louder until I see the shoes of my father. I feel his hand on my head. It was relaxing at first, until he balls up his fist with my hair and squeezes, pulling my head up to look at him. “Look at me when I’m speaking to you!” he growled, his grip becoming tighter, “And speak up, you’re too fucking quiet for someone with my ears to hear.” _

_ The agony from his hand stings like hell and I feel tears threatening to fall from my eyes.”I-I’m s-s-sorry Papa,” I say, shaking and blinking my eyes to rid any tears that want to spill, “I w-was at a friend’s house f-for schoolw-work and I-I lost track of t-time, I’m s-sorry.” He loosens his grip on my hair slowly until it falls from him. There’s a couple seconds of terribly awkward silence. Though, as soon as I start to think I’m off the hook, he grabs my right arm, twisting with all his might. I yelp in both surprise and pain as my arm bends in ways that I though wasn’t humanly possible. _

_ The tears that I thought I had successfully disregarded have come back, spilling without hesitation. “P-Papa, you’re hurting m-me...” I manage to speak but not daring to pull away. “That’s the point, slut,” he replies nastily. His fingers loosen up on my arm just before any cracks can be heard. “You don’t go anywhere without my permission, understood?” _

_ I nod, not trusting my voice enough to table anymore. “Upstairs,” he demands, “no dinner tonight.” He sits down on the recliner in our small living room and is quickly knocked out by the amount of alcohol I’m sure he got himself into. I clutch my arm as I walk up the stairway, trying to make as little noise as humanly possible. _

_ Unfortunately for me, luck is against me today. I slip backwards off the second step and fall flat on my back. I tried to land on my feet but I guess that wasn’t possible since my foot landed pretty awkwardly on the floor. Not caring about my own pain, I hurriedly glance at Papa. Somehow, my stairway escapade hasn’t awoken him. Thankful for that, I scurried upstairs as fast as I could, despite my now unhealthy ankle. _

I sigh at the memory. That was when I came home late from Yuri’s house. I didn’t think I would be over for ling, it just kinda happened I guess. I was in so much physical pain that I couldn’t stay awake much longer and just fell asleep. I saw Yuri’s text when I woke up, but there was no reason in answering a day after her original text. Sure, I felt bad, but I saw her at school that same day so it was no problem. She was worried, but I hope I did a good job on avoiding the topic.

It’s been a day since my ‘reappearance’ as Yuri calls it, and may I just say how difficult walking with a goddamn limp is! At least ten people asked to fucking help me to the nurse’s office!

But besides that, I’m currently hiding in my room from my dad. That, and the fact that I’m having a small crisis. The crisis being... my relationship with Yuri!

Well, I wouldn’t call it a relationship, just a friendship for now. I’ve seen the way she looks at me, with her gorgeous purple eyes that dart away when I glance at her. Wait- gorgeous?

Alright fuck it, I’ll say it outright, I think I like the damn girl! At first, I couldn’t stand the sight of her, but the past couple of days, we’ve grown much closer. Regrettably, the topic that caused us to bond isn’t much of a nice one, but we still have definitely gotten closer.

I’ve already known I was never into guys, the aren’t appealing in any way in my mind, but the thought of actually liking another girl is hitting harder than a truck right now. I hadn’t accepted the fact that I would ever actually be into a girl, and it doesn’t help that she’s the complete opposite of me!

She’s tall, I’m short. She’s quiet, I’m admittedly loud on some occasions. She read long books of boredom and I read manga. I don’t even know if miss long legs is the slightest bit gay! The amount of time I’ve been thinking about this has just been wasted since she could easily be as straight as a ruler.

Ya know, if my dad wasn’t such an asshole, I would totally talk to him about this. But being that he is, a huge asshole, I can’t do that. Obviously, I can’t talk to Yuri about it, and Sayori sucks at keeping secrets. Really, I have no idea how she stayed quiet about her and Monika’s relationship. I mean, it doesn’t help that they were pretty open about it until they confirmed it, but that doesn’t really matter if she’s always flirting with Monika at our club.

Monika!

I slip my phone from my pocket of the sweatpants I’m wearing and send a quick message to her.

_ Natsuki : you got any time to talk? _

I stare blankly at the screen in front of me as I anxiously wait for a reply. I’m not openly out of the closet yet, so do I really want to out myself to the club president first of all people? I guess she could help, but what if she tells everyone?

Nah, I’m thinking too much on it. Yuri’s habits are really rubbing off on me.

My phone pings and I read the response I was given.

_Monika : i’m sorry i’m practicing basketball right now, can you talk to Yuri? i thought you two were close enough to talk about your feelings._

_Natsuki : that’s the thing, it’s about yuri. and how did you know i was gonna talk to you about feelings and crap?_

_Monika : i can read your mind! :)_

_Natsuki : EXCUSE ME._

_Monika : kidding! i just have really good intuition._

_Natsuki : bitch._

_Monika : do you want to talk or not?_

_Natsuki : ugh fine._

_Monika : alright, come to the basketball court in my neighborhood. you know where, right?_

_Natsuki : yeah, i’ll get there soon._

_Natsuki : uh thanks btw._

_Monika : i never though i’d see the day Natsuki actually says thank you!_

_Natsuki : i take it back._

I stand from my bed, stretching my legs. The walk to where Monika is would be about ten minutes, so I should start going now. Slowly, I open the door to my room and peek outside of it. My dad’s room is closed, meaning he’s asleep. Thank god.

I grab a light pink hoodie, earbuds and shoes before I shuffle out of the room with my phone in hand, careful not to make any noise. The floorboards creak under my weight as I tip-toe across the hall. Once I successfully sneak out, I start walking to Monika’s neighborhood in the moonlight.

Fifteen minutes pass. It took longer for me to get here than expected but I thought nothing of it. Once I reach the courts, I see Monika on a bench with a water bottle in one hand and her phone in the other. “I’m here,” I announce, throwing myself next to her. “Hey!” she replies enthusiastically, almost like Sayori would, “so uh, what’s up?”

I glare at her in response to her attempt the small talk. “I should’ve known that wouldn’t work with you. How’s your dad been?” Monika asks, placing her phone in a gym bag below her feet. I realize that I didn’t have time to put on makeup, leaving some bruises up for display. Instinctively, I would’ve said everything is fine, but this is Monika, who briefly knows about my home life. “Same as always,” I reply with a shrug, “not any worse nor any better.”

The green-eyes girl frowns. “I’m sorry,” she says, “I really wish I could help.” I shake my head. “Nothing can be done, don’t worry about it. I only have two years left with him until I can legally move out.”

We sat in silence for a while until Monika spoke up again. “Sooo, uh, what’s this about Yuri you wanted to talk about?” She asks, striking up another conversation.

“Oh, I forgot that’s why I came here,” I say, “can you tell me how you and Sayori knew you liked each other?”

Monika widens her eyes, and a spark of mischief could be seen. “Ooooh, does someone have a crush?” she teases, poking at my unharmed shoulder. I growl and recoil at the touch either way. “Look, I don’t know yet! That’s why I’m here!” I reply.

“Hm,” Monika hums, standing from her spot on the bench. “It’s a simple story, really. We started hanging out more outside of school to plan club activities. We just fell in love I guess.”

There has got to be more to that story.

“Hold on, come with me. It’s boring if we’re just sitting here, hehe!”

I watch as she zips her bag open and pulls out a basketball. “Monika, we’ve already established that I’m more of a hockey person,” I state blandly. “Well yeah, but why would we play hockey at a basketball court?” She replies with a giggle.

“You’re the one who told me to come here!”

“Calm down, I’m kidding. Just come on,” she says, passing the ball towards me. I catch it and look as she pulls another from her lime green bag. “Who needs two basketballs?” I mumble, half to myself and half to Monika. “I had a feeling you’d stop by, so I brought another just in case,” she smiled, zipping up her bag. I place my phone on the space next to me before standing up as well, holding the ball as if it were a foreign object. Does she think I have any idea what to do with a basketball?

“It’s not that hard,” Monika prompts, “Just shoot it and see where it gets you.”

“Uhm, how do I do that exactly?” I mutter back questioningly. Monika snickers playfully. “Do I really have to teach you? Isn’t there a basketball unit in gym?” I scoff. “You think I participate in gym? Funny,” I say, placing my right hand on the back of the ball.

“Left hand on the left side to guide the ball,” Monika instructs, showing how to hold the ball. From there, she jumps, pushes the ball with her right hand and flicks her wrist, sending the ball to the basket in barely any time at all. “Like I said, just shoot and see where it gets you.”

I narrow my eyes and jump up, pushing the ball from my palm as much as I could. To my surprise, it bounces off the backboard and into the net, dropping onto the court. “See? Not that hard, right?” Monika smiles, retrieving both basketballs. I shrug. “Now,” she starts talking once again, “take that advice and bring it into relationships.”

“E-eh??” I gasp, looking up at the athlete. “You heard me. You like Yuri, don’t you?”

“I- uhh-“ I tru to find some words to assist me in my situation, but fail miserable. “I assumed so,” Monika grins, “it’s pretty obvious. But as I said, shoot and see where it gets you. Just ask her, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“Didn’t Sayori confess and it took you a day to officially ask her out?” I ask as she hands me the ball. “Maybeeee,” she chuckles, “I was nervous, but it paid off in the end.”

“Alright, whatever, you’re saying I should just straight up ask her out right?”

“No no no no no!” Monika shakes her head, “You have to confess first, then see if she returns your feelings.” I dribble the ball around me, switching hands after each bounce. “And if she doesn’t?” I inquire.

“We’ll cross that bridge if we get there. There’s multiple paths to take, and that’s a very easy one to avoid.” Monika says, a damn smile still on her cheerful face. “Ugh, you sound like Yuri with all that metaphorical shit!” I accuse.

“Hey, I just helped your ass!”

“Whatever, thanks I guess,” I pass her the ball and walk back to the bench where I left my phone. “I’m heading home before... my dad notices,” I quiet down at the end of my sentence, and a silence falls between both of us. “Alright,” Monika mumbles, coming up behind me. She places both basketballs in the green bag below the bench and zips it up, hoisting it onto her shoulder. “You know to call me when things get bad, my parents don’t mind at all.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I dismiss, flashing a smile in her direction, “I’m strong, I’ll be fine!”

We’re quiet again as we both realize how big of a lie I just told. “Hey, Nat? Can I ask a serious question?”

“Ask away.”

“Okay,” Monika takes a quick sip from her water bottle, “why didn’t you call me when the last incident happened? We were all worried about you, Yuri especially.” I push my arm through the sleeves of my hoodie as she speaks. “I fell asleep, sorry,” I reply, “how bad was Yuri?”

“Huh? She was extremely less talkative than normal, not that she really is in the first place but that doesn’t matter. She told me you didn’t answer after leaving her house and I could tell something was up, and just was wondering why you didn’t inform me. Sayori and I tried to distract her by playing Mariokart but it was totally obvious that she was uncomfortable. It was either the game or the thought that something happened to you, but I’m sure it’s the first reason.

“The next morning she called both me and Sayori asking if we knew what happened to you. You could tell she was worried sick. 

“Oh,” I murmur. ”You have to tell her eventually. We both know very well how she overthinks everything and can make some... questionable decisions when feeling stressed,” Monika advises.

Unsure of what ‘questionable decisions’ she was talking about, I mumble a response. “Like you said, we’ll cross that bridge if we get there.” I fake smile as convincingly as I could, but deep down I know she’ll find out somehow. She’s smart, she can put the pieces together.

“Anyways, want me to drive you home?” Monika offers. “Nah, I’ll be good. I’m sure my dad’s asleep anyways,” I say, “thanks for helping again, I’m kinda stupid sometimes.”

“Shush, everyone’s smart in their own way!”

I laugh lightly. “Sure, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I wave as I check the time. It’s only 9 but I should get home before my father wakes up from whatever he dreamed about this night. I start walking out of the development, already yawning from the exhaustion taking over me.

I guess it’s confirmed. Tomorrow is when I’ll confess to Yuri!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if any of you are celegiri shippers like me, i have a one shot book lmao. ignore the self promo if not, i hope to have the next chapter of this out soon tho!


	10. confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> natsuki has a conversation with sayori then confesses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK!!!! If you saw my previous chapter before i deleted it, you’ll know inspo for this fandom. Yet i did my best to get back into it, which i successfully didn’t, as you can see :)
> 
> i deleted the notice because i don’t like when there’s a random authors note in a story, so i got rid of it. i hope this helps you forgive me for my absence!

Well uh, I was wrong about my dad being asleep. To dumb it down, saying he was pissed would be a massive understatement. I got out with only a bruise on my cheek, which I take as a blessing since that’s no problem to cover up.

The next morning was better than the previous few. I woke up with a huge ass smile on my face, confident in myself for once in my miserable life!

Damn, I gotta stop these self-deprecating jokes.

I got dressed within record timing and carefully went down the stairway. My father, though being drunk off his ass, is still a light sleeper. Fortunately for me, I snuck down without a single noise from the floor.

Once downstairs, I opened the fridge to nothing but beer, sighing when I closed it thereafter. I mean, there’s bread, I guess.

I mentally shrugged as I took a slice of bread from the stack, knowing it’s the best I’ll get. I grabbed my bag from the floor and left the house with a spring in my step, beginning my journey to school.

It was a peaceful walk, but all I could think about was Yuri. I thought about it on the walk home from the interaction with Monika, and I guess I have to accept that I like her? I mean, I can’t just stop feeling these type of things, I’ve already tried before I realized this whole thing resulted in a crush. I don’t understand why I fall for her of all people though.

Maybe it’s her looks? Or how fucking adorable she is when she stutters and trips over her words? Or-

“G-good morning, Natsuki...”

Or maybe her motherfucking cute ass voice speaking to me right now?

I clear my throat, looking up at the purple-eyed girl in front of me. She was smiling down at me sweetly and I swear my heart just stopped right there. I don’t know how I fell for her so fast but there’s no complaining from me.

“Mornin’!” I reply, practically bouncing with joy. I smile at her, looking down at her arms to make sure there are no signs of bleeding. Nothing I can see has changed, so I continue the conversation. “How ya feeling today?”

Yuri giggles quietly, bringing a hand to cover her mouth. “I-I’m doing fine. You, on the other hand, seem on the positive side this morning,” she notes, moving a stray strand of violet hair from her line of vision. The sparkle I can faintly see in her eyes shows happiness. It’s a sight I’ve never really seen with her since she’s so closed off normally.

“Duh! I woke up early and I’m feelin’ energized!”

“Is that so?” Yuri yawns. “Any particular reason?”

“I dunno!” I exclaim. I know I already checked this, but I can’t be too safe. I poke Yuri’s shoulder playfully. “Your arms are good, right?”

She nods in response, but I sense a slight hesitation with her actions. “You sure?” I repeat, worry immediately taking over any other feeling.

“Y-yes, I’m sorry, I’m just a little tired today,” she mumbles, rubbing at a forearm subconsciously.

“Don’t apologize for something like that,” I reply. “Also cut that out, no arm rubbing!”

Yuri frowns and brings both arms back to her sides. She mutters out an apology, and we continue the walk in silence. Well, on the outside it’s silent. Mentally, I’m freaking the fuck out.

How am I supposed to confess? I wasn’t given any advice from Monika on that part of the issue! Am I supposed to just say ‘yo, I like you, you tall bitch’? Actually-

Nah, I definitely feel like I need to be nicer about this. I can’t have a so-what attitude coming into a whole ass confession. If I’m going to do it, there have to be lots of preparation beforehand. Not just an ‘I love you’ out of the blue, it has to be special, even if Yuri doesn’t return the feelings.

We reach the school after a half a walk of talking and half a walk of me internally flipping out. We part ways with a wave and smile, going off to two different sides of the school building. I make my way to my locker, holding my bag over my shoulder as I bump past groups of people.

“Natsuki!!!!”

Once I reach my locker, I’m damn near tackled to the ground by a fucking happy ass gremlin. I glare sideways at the bubbly blue-eyed girl who’s bouncing in excitement.

“What’s got you in such a great mood today?”

“Ehehehe!” Sayori giggles mischievously. “I know you’re going to confess to Yuuurrriiiii!”

“Eh?!” I shake my head. “Keep your voice down you pogo stick! The entire hallway does not need to know my business!”

“Pogo stick?” The coral-haired girl pouts, pressing two fingers together. “That’s a new one.”

“I mean, you’re jumping up and down like you have springs attached to your feet,” I say, dropping my bag into my locker once I have the proper books out. Sayori slams her locker door shut enthusiastically.

“Aaaaaanywho, when will you do it?”

“Whenever  you  aren’t around.”

“That’s not fair!”

I look back up at the slightly taller girl, who’s arms are now crossed and an even larger pout across her face. I smirk at her, closing my locker door.

“After club time. I can’t risk you or Monika interfering,” I respond, turning my back to Sayori and walking to the classroom door.

“Awww! I wanted to seeeee!” she whines, following close behind me like a puppy.

“No.”

“You’re a meanie.”

“I know.”

* * *

I spend the entirety of my classes thinking of words to say to this stupid fucking crush of mine. I think I have it down, but watch me falter when actually saying stuff to her. Honestly, that would be just my luck.

There’s also the chance that she doesn’t even like me and her feelings are just completely normal, like friend wise. Shit, she probably will friendzone me.

I sigh, dragging my bag from the locker to the club room. The walk isn’t too far away, but it’s still the longest walk of the day for me. I mean, it’s in the third year section of the school, which surprisingly isn’t that far from my section. The halfway I’m currently in on my way there isn’t that long, but it’s still annoying if I’m trying to get somewhere in a hurry.

“You sure I can’t stay for the confession?”

I jump, going red from the sudden voice behind me. I spin around, anger evident on my face.

“Sayori!”

“Huh?”

“Don’t scare the shit out of me like that!”

“Oh,” Sayori giggles, “oops.”

“Yeah, oops my ass,” I mutter, continuing my walk down the hallway, Sayori now by my side. I look over at her.

“Um, Sayori?”

“Yeeeaaaah?” She smiles widely, looking back at me. Her blue eyes shine with excitement for the club.

“Aren’t you missing something?”

Sayori narrows her eyes and furries her brows. She looks like she wants to say something, but doesn’t. She spins, looking behind her and around her.

“...No?”

I exhale deeply.

“Your bag, dumbass!”

“Ohhhhh!” She smacks her forehead with a goofy grin. “Could you um... come with me to get it?”

“And why would I need to do that?”

“I get lonely... hehe.”

Sayori chuckles innocently, fidgeting with her skirt. I frown at her, but sigh and nod my head. “Yayyyy!” she exclaims, grabbing my worst and dragging me back down the long ass corridor to where our lockers are.

“Oh... wait,” Sayori suddenly stops and I bump into her back.

“Jeez, you can’t just randomly stop like that while dragging me with you,” I grumble, back away from her.

“I just remembered, I left my bag at home!”

I stare at her with no expression whatsoever. She really just took me all the way over here just to remember that she had no bag this entire day??

“Don’t speak to me,” I turn around, dragging my bag (that I actually brought to school) on the ground behind me

“Nooo, I’m sorry!!” Sayori runs behind me, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Though, since we have more time to talk, I want the details on your confession!”

“It hasn’t even happened yet.”

“But it will! And I wanna know what you’re going to say!”

“Creep.”

“Look,” Sayori’s tone lowers to one of seriousness, “I can tell that you’re not entirely confident about this. I was trying to bother you to get you to open up to me about it, but I guess I have to pry it out of you instead.”

“Hm?” I hum, glancing back at the taller girl.

“Sit with me.”

“We’ll be late for the club meeting!”

“Monika will understand. Now sit. ”

There’s no arguing when her voice isn’t as high pitches as it always is. I sit on the ground, looking up at the now even taller Sayori, who smiles proudly.

“Heh, I feel like a teacher,” she boasts.

“Hurry up and get this over with.”

“Fine,” she huffs, “You’re worried about how this’ll turn out, right?”

Yeah, no shit.

“Not at all.”

“Don’t lie to your teacher, missy!”

“Ugh, alright, maybe a little.”

‘A little’ was a huge understatement, and I know it. The level of anxiety I’ve been experiencing throughout the day was probably at an all-time high... School wise.

“Well, don’t be,” Sayori beams, “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Yuri would say no and think I’m a freak for liking the same gender as mine and think that she can’t be near me anymore and then she’ll relapse and I can’t help her because she doesn’t want me around and-

“Natsuki, calm down, you’re breathing is too unstable.”

She’s right. I close my eyes, focusing on breathing normally. The tightness in my chest loosens up slightly, and I look back at Sayori.

“Good?”

“Yeah, better now,” I announce, taking another deep breath.

“Good. The worst that can happen is that she says no, friend zones you, and you both go along with your days! And no, that doesn’t mean that a relationship is out of the question forever, maybe she just isn’t ready for one?”

I guess... she’s right. All that’s bad that could happen is being friend-zoned, right?

“You know I’m right,” Sayori says proudly. “But that’s also if she even says no. I can guarantee that there’s a 99 percent chance that she’ll accept!”

“And how are you so sure?”

“Well duh, I’m your wing-woman! I gotta know inside information!”

I chuckle slightly. “I don’t remember accepting you as a wing-woman,” I say, mouth turning up into a smile.

“Don’t sweat the details!” she holds up a peace sign and sticks out her tongue.

“Mhm, okay then.”

Sayori clears her throat and straightens up. She looks over, practically punching on me and wrapping her arms around me.

“But seriously though, don’t be too nervous over this confession. If she doesn’t accept, I’ll knock some sense into her!”

“Sayori no—“

“Now, go in there and get yourself a girlfriend!”

“Huh? But it’s club time!”

I look at the clock in the hallway, which reads 3:59.

“Not anymore!”

A bell rung right after Sayori’s exclamation. Multiple questions started going through my head.

“How long—We were—what?”

“I maaaaay have made up the bag story on a whim since I could tell you were nervous about the confession thingy!” Sayori giggles, grabbing my wrist to pull me up. She started pushing me down the hallway again. “Now go! Claim your woman!”

“I just can’t believe her,” I breathe, gripping the strap of my bag tightly as I walk down the corridor.

She really kept me there for a whole hour? It didn’t even seem like it was that long! And now I have to walk along this long ass hallway to get to the club room to find this purple-haired beauty and confess to her while I still have to be home in half an hour! I might not even make it in time with my luck—

“Agh-!”

And now I’m on the ground. This is just so fucking  perfect,  you know?

“Ah! N-Natsuki! I-I’m so sorry, I w-wasn’t paying attention and—“

Wait a minute...

“Yuri?”

“Y-y-yes?”

“Thank fuck!” I exclaim, climbing back to my feet. “I need to tell you something, it’s really important!”

Yuri glances up quizzically. She rubs the back of her head after looking around her as well. “Uh, s-sure, you can tell m-me?” It comes out sounding like more of a question than a statement, but I’ll take whatever I can get from her.

I extend an arm, helping the much taller girl back up. “Sorry about runnin’ into ya there, my bad,” I say.

“It’s not a problem,” Yuri quietly replies, messing with a piece of hair. “What is it th-that you wanted to tell me?”

Right, confession, fuck.

“Um, it’s kind of hard for me to say so... uh, don’t get too mad if it takes a while.”

“Understood.”

“Well um, you know how we’ve been hanging out more and more as of recently?”

Yuri nods, not understanding where this conversation is going. She brings a hand to her forearm, bothering the arm underneath the uniform sleeve.

“Yuri—no, stop that,” I glare at her, and she squeaks while hugging herself to occupy her arms. “Better, much better, Do that whenever you feel like bothering an arm.”

Yuri nods.

“Uh, anyway, um... fuck!” I shake my head and run my hands through my hair. How much harder could this fucking be??

“Natsuki?”

“You know what, I’m just gonna fucking say it, even if you hate me afterward,” I manage to say. I look up at Yuri, who looks more confused than anyone I’ve ever seen. “Since we’ve been spending so much time together, I’ve started to enjoy your presence a lot more than before. Not saying that I hated you or anything, I just, uh... didn’t know how to talk to you, ya know?”

Yuri nods again.

“So uh, I guess... um...”

“We can talk about this l-later if you are uncomfortable...”

“No, I’m not,” I counter, “Whatever, I love the fuck outta you, okay? It’s fine if you don’t like me back, I just need you to know that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how will yuri react? hehehehe
> 
> next chapter (which is in yuri’s pov bc i suck with writing at natsuki help) is already in progress, so don’t worry about month long breaks anytime soon!


	11. acception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuri responds to natsuki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate this chapter lol

My only reaction right now is to twirl a tendril of hair between two fingers. If I’m being blunt, I have no idea what the hell to say. I know for a fact that I, at the very least, have a crush on the smaller girl. I know for a fact that she likes me back, as she just said she ‘loves the fuck outta me’, and I know for a fact that I look stupid while standing here without an answer prepared. I mean, I never thought the person I felt attraction for would reciprocate those feelings, and honestly, with the awkwardness of this situation, I’m beginning wish she didn’t.

I’ll admit, I love the pink-eyed girl. She’s been extremely supportive of me as of recently. For example, tending to my… issue, and I guess just being there for me in general was a huge help. I just have so many more damn problems that I’m hiding, and for a good reason, that she hopefully has no clue about. And these aren’t normal secrets, like guilty pleasures or anything like that. They’re fucking horrible, _I’m_ fucking horrible. If those secrets were to be exposed, who would I be to her? How would she see me afterwards?

The hallway remains silent for an extra few seconds.

I know I shouldn’t, I really do.

“I-I…. I love y-you too.”

Yet I do it anyways.

The girl who I would’ve ignored a few weeks ago has grown on me. I now ‘love the fuck outta’ her too.

Natsuki’s eyes quite literally brighten up after those words leave my mouth. Her lips curve into that damn adorable smile that she ‘exclusively saves’ for me. She wraps her short arms around my waist, giggling and just emitting pure noises of elation. Her pink pigtails bounce along with her body as she jumps up and down, still maintaining a tight hug.

“I’m assuming this is why you were so ‘motivated’ this morning?” I question, draping my arms down around Natsuki.

“Duh, now kiss me ya idiot!”

My eyes widen at her request, blinking a few times. She immediately sinks down, smile overtaken by a frown in an instant as she realized what she had blurted out.

“I mean, only if you want to, ya know?”

I take that as my chance to bend down, now eye level with the younger girl. She looks back at me, but I bring her closer before any commentary is needed. Another tight hug. That is, until I finally work up some damn courage. I place my hand under her chin, bringing both of our lips together. She smiles into the kiss, sneaking a hand to my waist to draw herself as close as possible. Though we’re both inexperienced, the heat of the moment causes neither me nor her to care in the slightest.

Natsuki pulls away first, unable to stop smiling. I’m sure that I look redder than a cherry, but in my opinion, that random burst of confidence payed off.

“YOU DID IT!!!!”

Natsuki gasps, spinning around looking for the voice. She grumbles when her eyes land on the blue-eyed bundle of happiness who’s squealing down the hallway. The vice president of our club is grinning with such mischief, giggling to herself as Natsuki glares daggers at her.

“I thought I told you to leave me alone while I confess!” she whines, crossing her arms. “You give me that whole pep talk and then stalk me while I specifically said to let me do this on my own?

“Whoops!” Sayori chuckles, “I just had to make sure everything went according to plan! I _am_ your wing-woman, ya know!”

“We literally never agreed on that!”

“Fine, fine!” Sayori pouts, “Meanie, I gotta go tell Monika anyways! She’s gonna be so excited when she finds out you’re finally together!!” The jumpy girl skips away and Natsuki looks back at me.

“You needed a pep talk from Sayori?” I smile.

“I didn’t really _need_ it, she forced me,” she replies, blush creeping back onto her face. “Besides, it worked out in the end.”

“Right you are.”

Natsuki smiles, metaphorically lighting up my world. She just looks so precious, and I’m so happy to be able to call her my girlfriend. She giggles and grabs a hold on my hand.

“You wanna walk home together? I can walk you to your house then go to my own,” she offers, “I have extra time anyways since this didn’t take as long as I thought it would.”

“Of course.”

A few hours ago, Natsuki walked me home. We conversated about what poems we would write for the literature club tomorrow. Honestly, speaking to her makes me forget all the issues I have sometimes.

I glare down at the now covered hole in my backyard. It’s hidden with a fair amount of soil, but what’s underneath is the real deal. The mere idea of them originally used to bring a shudder to my body, although now I only grin at the thought. The thought of _them_ finally out of my life, finally unable to cause me to go through such despair ever again. I laugh cold heartedly, reminiscing old memories of their souls leaving their bodies. I continue to giggle with enjoyment.

_It’s not enjoyment_ , I mentally counter myself, _it’s satisfaction._

“That’s right,” I smile sinisterly and spit at the covered hole. “You’re beneath me, like you always thought I was with you. You’ve sunken to hell.”

I turn back around, facing the door that led me outside. I pushed it open, sighing contently as I feel the warmth of _my_ home.

“When I perish, we will meet again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some actual plot at the end; gettin into drama now 0_0
> 
> i really apologize for this being such a short chapter and for any possible grammar issues. I had no time to proofread and edit so :/ next chapter will be much longer!


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